Love is an addiction, it taste sweet like chocolates and when you have one decent bite, you want more and will not stop indulging till you feel satisfied. That is exactly what love is all about.
Love makes you wonder and think about the person you like.
Love makes you think more than what you should not.
Love makes your heart beat so fast you are afraid it will stop.
Love makes you want to listen to love songs that have the most meaningful lyrics.
Love makes you nervous and probably wondering why you are sweating all the time.
Love makes you wonder if he will ever call or come and see you.
Love makes all possibilities but at the same time love can break your heart to pieces.
Love can make you cry.
Love can break you heart and leave a scar.
As much as I believe in finding the right love, as much as I want to find you, I am not sure if this will come anytime soon.
I like you and that's all it matters right?
The past does not matter, the present is unpredictable, why not look at now?
The past shapes you to be who you are today, and the future is what you want to work towards, can we take one step at a time?
Sunday, September 27, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Weird feeling
I am feeling a little down at the moment. I don't know why. I thought I was all good with how my life has turn out to be right now, but there are times I have expectations, and I can't help and think what will happen if things were not done like this.
Everyone thinks we will get back together, because we are still friends, we see each other, we have dinners, we call each other and we still care. Everyone make comments about the fact that we should not be friends that quickly. We should stay away and meet new friends and probably find someone, to be able to move on and have a new life. I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. You have been part of my life for the last 5 years, I am sure if you found someone right now, I will be sad or devastated, because I still care and want to be that special person.
At this age, it feels like I am hanging, I can't seem to go all the way out there and be a different person because I do not want to regret doing things I should not have done. At the same time, I want to meet different people, I want to really know the feeling of falling in love again. I wish this one person will call or ask me out, but it never happens and sometimes I feel I should take the effort and try to be different for once but I never have the guts to do so. And there is this other person, who calls and ask me out all the time, I do go and give it try but there isn't any chemistry.
I know I sound like a 17 year old high school kid who can't decide what she wants but all of us go through this stage all the time and I am one of them. I am naive, I want to meet this one person who I fall in love with and get marry within 2 years when we are still in love. Will this happen?
I believe so BUT at the same time I am just having doubts about finding the person I want to spend my life with.
I think a lot, about stupid things and fantasize ridiculous scenes which normally take me from my reality. Wake up yen! Let things take it stroll.
Sigh...I don't know what I am rambling about but this is one of the moments when you are single and wish you had someone by your side to listen to all these crap.
I miss you right now :(
Everyone thinks we will get back together, because we are still friends, we see each other, we have dinners, we call each other and we still care. Everyone make comments about the fact that we should not be friends that quickly. We should stay away and meet new friends and probably find someone, to be able to move on and have a new life. I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. You have been part of my life for the last 5 years, I am sure if you found someone right now, I will be sad or devastated, because I still care and want to be that special person.
At this age, it feels like I am hanging, I can't seem to go all the way out there and be a different person because I do not want to regret doing things I should not have done. At the same time, I want to meet different people, I want to really know the feeling of falling in love again. I wish this one person will call or ask me out, but it never happens and sometimes I feel I should take the effort and try to be different for once but I never have the guts to do so. And there is this other person, who calls and ask me out all the time, I do go and give it try but there isn't any chemistry.
I know I sound like a 17 year old high school kid who can't decide what she wants but all of us go through this stage all the time and I am one of them. I am naive, I want to meet this one person who I fall in love with and get marry within 2 years when we are still in love. Will this happen?
I believe so BUT at the same time I am just having doubts about finding the person I want to spend my life with.
I think a lot, about stupid things and fantasize ridiculous scenes which normally take me from my reality. Wake up yen! Let things take it stroll.
Sigh...I don't know what I am rambling about but this is one of the moments when you are single and wish you had someone by your side to listen to all these crap.
I miss you right now :(
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Time flies
It's been exactly 3 months since we both parted, when I think back about the day you wanted to leave, so many memories come flashing back. What are we now at the moment? Are we having a casual relationship or we are close friends? I am not sure myself. I know I still care for you, and I treat you as a very close friend. I feel comfortable talking to you, I don't have to pretend, and I feel you know me more than anyone else.
I feel there is a heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when we are no longer together. I think you feel the same as well. We have been carrying these burdens for the last 5 years, and now I have never felt so free and it feels there are so much time around. It's weird how we met 5 years ago, we fell in love, we went through so many ups and downs, and to get through all the obstacles we thought we could. I guess there are some obstacles we can never get pass, you and I know that we will not end up being together forever.
Over the last 3 months, I have been hit with so many different types of emotions. One thing for sure, I have been through the worst, the times when I need to move on and face reality. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes, I do think of you, I wonder what are you doing, where are you and how you are going? I think there is this strong bond between us that will never fade, how long will this last and will we ever meet someone better? I don't know...
Maybe if we did part for 6 months, things might be different? Maybe if we did give it a try again, we might be able to get through the obstacles? Maybe....there were so many maybes...but we never took those maybes...
I used to spend time thinking how to want you to love me more, how we can spend quality time together, and how we can build a future. There were goals and aims that I want to work for us. Now, when we are no longer together, these goals do not apply and I am now feeling lost. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? How can I meet the one? What do I want to achieve? All these questions are running in my mind and sometimes I feel sad that I do not know what I want.
When there are no expectations, we will not be disappointed, but when we do, we often get disappointed. I think that was the main issue in our relationship. I expected a lot out of you.
As long we are happy with what we are now, everything seems good :)
Take care...
I feel there is a heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when we are no longer together. I think you feel the same as well. We have been carrying these burdens for the last 5 years, and now I have never felt so free and it feels there are so much time around. It's weird how we met 5 years ago, we fell in love, we went through so many ups and downs, and to get through all the obstacles we thought we could. I guess there are some obstacles we can never get pass, you and I know that we will not end up being together forever.
Over the last 3 months, I have been hit with so many different types of emotions. One thing for sure, I have been through the worst, the times when I need to move on and face reality. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes, I do think of you, I wonder what are you doing, where are you and how you are going? I think there is this strong bond between us that will never fade, how long will this last and will we ever meet someone better? I don't know...
Maybe if we did part for 6 months, things might be different? Maybe if we did give it a try again, we might be able to get through the obstacles? Maybe....there were so many maybes...but we never took those maybes...
I used to spend time thinking how to want you to love me more, how we can spend quality time together, and how we can build a future. There were goals and aims that I want to work for us. Now, when we are no longer together, these goals do not apply and I am now feeling lost. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? How can I meet the one? What do I want to achieve? All these questions are running in my mind and sometimes I feel sad that I do not know what I want.
When there are no expectations, we will not be disappointed, but when we do, we often get disappointed. I think that was the main issue in our relationship. I expected a lot out of you.
As long we are happy with what we are now, everything seems good :)
Take care...
Friday, May 15, 2009
A new beginning for me
Everyone deserves one that treats them well. I believe there will be one out there for me. Today, I will fill my empty spots with things that matters. You were just someone that passed me by, you are someone I will not want to hold on too. The day I can forget you is the day I have found someone I love and will cherished me for the person I am.
Time is my best tool. I want everyday to pass as quickly as possible, I want my life to have a new beginning. For everyone who knows me, I will want them not to worry, to my parents who has been there supporting me, for my friends who has given me so many advices, for my superior who has been understanding, I appreciate everyone of you support and care. I might have not been myself lately, I did not mean it to happen like that. Sometimes, love just drives you crazy, it can give you the most happy moments but at the same time, it can bring you tears and heartaches. I want to be rational and not emotional, I will learn and use my head to think before doing anything.
Today, mark my new beginning to a new life......
Time is my best tool. I want everyday to pass as quickly as possible, I want my life to have a new beginning. For everyone who knows me, I will want them not to worry, to my parents who has been there supporting me, for my friends who has given me so many advices, for my superior who has been understanding, I appreciate everyone of you support and care. I might have not been myself lately, I did not mean it to happen like that. Sometimes, love just drives you crazy, it can give you the most happy moments but at the same time, it can bring you tears and heartaches. I want to be rational and not emotional, I will learn and use my head to think before doing anything.
Today, mark my new beginning to a new life......
Sunday, May 3, 2009
What goes around comes around
Reading my previous posts in this blog reminds me of how I used to spend time expressing myself through this little space. Many things have changed, so many that I don't know where to start. I think blogging is another way a person can express their true self, although not a lot of my friends or love ones know about this blog, but one day, I am sure they will come across it and realized how I feel about my life.
Life is about making plans, achieving the objectives and often, the results might not be the desire ones. You have been part of my life in Australia, no doubt now things are different, I feel that your bond is still very strong in me. I reflected on the past, from the first day we met till the day we came to an end. It's surprise how I feel there is this heavy burden lifted from my shoulders, and I am sure you feel the same, but at the end of the day good memories will remained.
I might not be that strong person you think I am or will ever be, but I am yet to prove to you that you are wrong. I did not give up, but you have made me realized feelings and love is not everything, it doesn't guarantee a future or return. I have spend a considerable amount of time and although I know that one day will never come, I took the risk.
Everyday, I have flashback of us, there are pictures, places, things that often remind me of us. I think this is the phase I have to go through. It hurts, having to hear the person to say things you never thought you would hear, there is this sharp knife pierce right through my heart. That does not mean I am not strong. I have feelings and is emotional, but you once said you loved me for being compassionate.
I want my love for you everyday to grow less.
I want you to know you gave up on us.
I want to learn not to hate you.
I want to stop seeing you.
I want myself to be happy
I will move on ....
Life is about making plans, achieving the objectives and often, the results might not be the desire ones. You have been part of my life in Australia, no doubt now things are different, I feel that your bond is still very strong in me. I reflected on the past, from the first day we met till the day we came to an end. It's surprise how I feel there is this heavy burden lifted from my shoulders, and I am sure you feel the same, but at the end of the day good memories will remained.
I might not be that strong person you think I am or will ever be, but I am yet to prove to you that you are wrong. I did not give up, but you have made me realized feelings and love is not everything, it doesn't guarantee a future or return. I have spend a considerable amount of time and although I know that one day will never come, I took the risk.
Everyday, I have flashback of us, there are pictures, places, things that often remind me of us. I think this is the phase I have to go through. It hurts, having to hear the person to say things you never thought you would hear, there is this sharp knife pierce right through my heart. That does not mean I am not strong. I have feelings and is emotional, but you once said you loved me for being compassionate.
I want my love for you everyday to grow less.
I want you to know you gave up on us.
I want to learn not to hate you.
I want to stop seeing you.
I want myself to be happy
I will move on ....
Saturday, December 1, 2007
Friday, November 23, 2007
The Reality of Living in Malaysia
No doubt Malaysia, my home country, born and breed, I am a Malaysian, yes I am proud to be one. I have been in down under for the past 6 years, I have build my life there and I am happy to be a permanent resident, but I guess Australia will always remain as my second home, unless in the near future, I will settle down and have my family, I can call down under my first home. The times when I missed home, I wish was back, I get all the attentions from my family and friends, feeling rich with the amount of AUD I have due to the high exchange rate, sleep in, food is always ready on the table, no commitments and burdens, and most important, I have so many friends to hang out and talk too. Life is never boring here, but life here is hectic!
However, I can't see myself living in Malaysia at the moment, I mean if I ever return here to start my life, I might need time to get use to the environment. I have only been driving for the past few days, and realised I can die of heart attack driving, because the drivers here are crazy! There are three things I realised about them, firstly, they NEVER use their signals when turning right or left, I would suggest the Malaysian cars not to have a signal in the cars, because they never use it! Secondly, the cars have to follow closely behind your bumper, a way of letting you know, you are driving too slow, get out of my way! Excuse me! Since when driving according to the speed limit is a crime, oh yeah I forgot, there is never a speed limit in Malaysia! Lastly, the drivers here use the honk more than their signals, so when you hear a horn, you have to look twice and see whether some idiots are trying to get pass you!
Another important issue concerned, will be the cost of living, everything are expensive, from food to clothing, cosmetics, shoes, toiletries, but the weird thing is, the salary package has barely increased over the past few years! How do people survive here? The starting pay is low, and everyone has to work their way up to at least reach RM3000 ( $1000), with 2 years experience, having to pay for car installments ( the prices of the car are very expensive!), shopping for work clothes, a shirt would average cost at least RM70 and above, shoes, cosmetics, and knowing my spending habits, I can never have enough to spend here. I just don't understand how they survive! The only reason I understand why I can buy things here without thinking twice, is because I am earning AUD, and with the strong exchange rate now, I feel is worth the value to buy, but if I was working here, I might not even consider buying anything.
One final concern would be the security, everywhere I go, everyone tell me, make sure you have your handbag close to you at all times, for example, when we are at a restaurant, we have to put our bags on our laps, to ensure the bag is safe, because putting it on the table or a chair next to us, would encourage people to steal from us. I can't eat or drink properly with the bag on my lap, it's so inconvenient but if I don't do so, I can have the risk of losing my bag! I am not encourage to wear any gold jewellery or items that might attract people to look, and when they look, I feel so uncomfortable. It's not safe to drive alone, to go out till late, or even to walk on the streets, because anything can happen at anytime. I feel safe when I am back in Australia, walking on the streets during wee hours were never a problem, having open bags without a zipper was never a security issue, this is the reason we are taxed so high because the government provides us with securities to ensure we are safe. The polices here are corrupted, they don't care about our securities and probably under paid to do their job!
The thing I miss here is the night life, there are so many cafes, pubs and clubs opened at the moment, anytime of the day, there are lots of people around and it makes me feel that I have a life. It feels good to catch up with old high school friends, getting to know how their life is going, what it would feel like if I was to settle down here for good. One thing I am sure, I can never leave work early, and might have to stay up late depending on the job I have, because everyone here have their dinner after 9 pm, it's sad, but they are used to it.
Sometimes, I feel I am in the middle of a crossroad, I don't know which path to take, and when I am at different places I feel different. Everyone wish they were in Australia and some are trying so hard to apply for permanent residency or working visa to live and work there. As for me, I am fortunate to have my permanent residency visa, and allows me to work and live there, to fly back and from Malaysia. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, not until you have experience both world, then you will know what to choose. I miss Australia at the moment, I miss the relaxed life, the weather, I definitely don't miss the work! Work is something I am not looking forward to at the moment, it's hard when you have a holiday abroad, when everyday is a Sunday, but it's time I face reality. Stress, stress and more stress!
One week till I am leaving, part of me want to stay and leave at the same time. Is this normal?
Yen
However, I can't see myself living in Malaysia at the moment, I mean if I ever return here to start my life, I might need time to get use to the environment. I have only been driving for the past few days, and realised I can die of heart attack driving, because the drivers here are crazy! There are three things I realised about them, firstly, they NEVER use their signals when turning right or left, I would suggest the Malaysian cars not to have a signal in the cars, because they never use it! Secondly, the cars have to follow closely behind your bumper, a way of letting you know, you are driving too slow, get out of my way! Excuse me! Since when driving according to the speed limit is a crime, oh yeah I forgot, there is never a speed limit in Malaysia! Lastly, the drivers here use the honk more than their signals, so when you hear a horn, you have to look twice and see whether some idiots are trying to get pass you!
Another important issue concerned, will be the cost of living, everything are expensive, from food to clothing, cosmetics, shoes, toiletries, but the weird thing is, the salary package has barely increased over the past few years! How do people survive here? The starting pay is low, and everyone has to work their way up to at least reach RM3000 ( $1000), with 2 years experience, having to pay for car installments ( the prices of the car are very expensive!), shopping for work clothes, a shirt would average cost at least RM70 and above, shoes, cosmetics, and knowing my spending habits, I can never have enough to spend here. I just don't understand how they survive! The only reason I understand why I can buy things here without thinking twice, is because I am earning AUD, and with the strong exchange rate now, I feel is worth the value to buy, but if I was working here, I might not even consider buying anything.
One final concern would be the security, everywhere I go, everyone tell me, make sure you have your handbag close to you at all times, for example, when we are at a restaurant, we have to put our bags on our laps, to ensure the bag is safe, because putting it on the table or a chair next to us, would encourage people to steal from us. I can't eat or drink properly with the bag on my lap, it's so inconvenient but if I don't do so, I can have the risk of losing my bag! I am not encourage to wear any gold jewellery or items that might attract people to look, and when they look, I feel so uncomfortable. It's not safe to drive alone, to go out till late, or even to walk on the streets, because anything can happen at anytime. I feel safe when I am back in Australia, walking on the streets during wee hours were never a problem, having open bags without a zipper was never a security issue, this is the reason we are taxed so high because the government provides us with securities to ensure we are safe. The polices here are corrupted, they don't care about our securities and probably under paid to do their job!
The thing I miss here is the night life, there are so many cafes, pubs and clubs opened at the moment, anytime of the day, there are lots of people around and it makes me feel that I have a life. It feels good to catch up with old high school friends, getting to know how their life is going, what it would feel like if I was to settle down here for good. One thing I am sure, I can never leave work early, and might have to stay up late depending on the job I have, because everyone here have their dinner after 9 pm, it's sad, but they are used to it.
Sometimes, I feel I am in the middle of a crossroad, I don't know which path to take, and when I am at different places I feel different. Everyone wish they were in Australia and some are trying so hard to apply for permanent residency or working visa to live and work there. As for me, I am fortunate to have my permanent residency visa, and allows me to work and live there, to fly back and from Malaysia. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, not until you have experience both world, then you will know what to choose. I miss Australia at the moment, I miss the relaxed life, the weather, I definitely don't miss the work! Work is something I am not looking forward to at the moment, it's hard when you have a holiday abroad, when everyday is a Sunday, but it's time I face reality. Stress, stress and more stress!
One week till I am leaving, part of me want to stay and leave at the same time. Is this normal?
Yen
Monday, November 19, 2007
When 2 become 1
It has been a week already since I touch down, and time do fly quickly when you are having a great time! I have too many pictures to post, but I will select some good ones to post. I attended my good friend's wedding last weekend, as a bride's maid, I had so much to prepare and do before and during the ceremony. I stayed at her place on a Friday night, having to wake up at 6 am the very next day, prepared difficult questions for the bridegroom, and to make sure we get the right amount of ''angpao'' from them :) After the tea ceremony, we travelled 3.5 hours to Kluang, another state situated at the South of Peninsula Malaysia. I have not been travelling interstate for a very long time, but I have to say, it does feel different in smaller towns, but it was a good catch up with everyone. It's weird how everyone knows everyone, and it's a small world, that people we knew by the name but whom we never thought we had a chance to meet, and this occasion had bring a lot of nice people together. I guess when u least expect, good things happen. I can say I enjoyed myself!
I am lack of sleep for these few days, and I am glad I can now get connected to the Internet, have my space to relax and no time commitments or sms and calls coming in every hour. I have another wedding dinner to attend this coming Saturday, and I am looking forward to meet my ex uni mates, have some drinks and be loud!
Please feel free to visit my flickr website for the wedding pictures! http://www.flickr.com/photos/10155261@N08/?saved=1
Cheers
Yen
I am lack of sleep for these few days, and I am glad I can now get connected to the Internet, have my space to relax and no time commitments or sms and calls coming in every hour. I have another wedding dinner to attend this coming Saturday, and I am looking forward to meet my ex uni mates, have some drinks and be loud!
Please feel free to visit my flickr website for the wedding pictures! http://www.flickr.com/photos/10155261@N08/?saved=1
Cheers
Yen
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Touch down
I have safely touch down, having a little jet lagged, and my flight experience was terrible. First to start off, my pre departure didn't go to well, had problem uploading songs into my Ipod, and did not go to yum cha at red emperor because time was running out! I arrived at the airport, and there was a long line for check in, apparently the flight was full! I got my sit next to an Aussie woman in her mid 40's, did not speak a single word, how rude.
We had a bad weather conditions yesterday during the flight, there were a few times we experienced some turbulence, and I hate it when this happen. I start to visualise all the bad sights of travelling on the air plane. anything can happen, for example, like a crash! My hands were sweaty, and my head was spinning, my heart was falling out, it's such a bad experience. Now, I still feel the turbulence feeling while I am typing this out. We touch downed on time, but the baggage collection was delayed due to technical problems, I had to wait for nearly more than half an hour to get my luggage. When I did, one of the locks on my bag were missing, I had a bad feeling someone might open my bag and steal my things, my heart was racing, and I quickly open it, and realised everything are still in place! Phew!
I guess the most important part, I get to see my family waiting for me with a big smile and hug, they had waited for nearly an hour, but everything is good :) Dad is getting a little old, he looks thin and he said is due to stress. Mum is nagging me as usual, about my hair, my food, you know the mum's routine speech! I still need sometime to get used to the environment, the weather is humid, but it's not as hot as I expected.
It's weird, but I miss Australia, I guess everyone goes through the mix feeling of being at 2 different places.
Cheers
Yen
We had a bad weather conditions yesterday during the flight, there were a few times we experienced some turbulence, and I hate it when this happen. I start to visualise all the bad sights of travelling on the air plane. anything can happen, for example, like a crash! My hands were sweaty, and my head was spinning, my heart was falling out, it's such a bad experience. Now, I still feel the turbulence feeling while I am typing this out. We touch downed on time, but the baggage collection was delayed due to technical problems, I had to wait for nearly more than half an hour to get my luggage. When I did, one of the locks on my bag were missing, I had a bad feeling someone might open my bag and steal my things, my heart was racing, and I quickly open it, and realised everything are still in place! Phew!
I guess the most important part, I get to see my family waiting for me with a big smile and hug, they had waited for nearly an hour, but everything is good :) Dad is getting a little old, he looks thin and he said is due to stress. Mum is nagging me as usual, about my hair, my food, you know the mum's routine speech! I still need sometime to get used to the environment, the weather is humid, but it's not as hot as I expected.
It's weird, but I miss Australia, I guess everyone goes through the mix feeling of being at 2 different places.
Cheers
Yen
Saturday, November 10, 2007
Leaving in 3 hours
I am leaving for Malaysia in 3 hours time. I can't find my novels, which I intended to bring aboard the plane to read during my 8 hours flight back. Unfortunately, I can't find it in any of the boxes, there are all sealed and it's annoying! I have not updated my Ipod songs, the apple function is so not user friendly, now I can't decide whether I should go for a Ipod Nano Video. I am excited to be going back and having a holiday. I have finish packing EVERYTHING, except having to carry people's item, which will be putting more weight on to my bag, and for once I wish I can travel light. I am never going to tell everyone I am going back to Malaysia for holidays, when all these favours start coming up, and it's so hard not to say NO!
Important items I need to bring with me during my holidays:
Important items I need to bring with me during my holidays:
- Camera, snap snap!
- Sun block ( strong sun everywhere)
- Shorts ( for comfort)
- Sunnies ( to protect my eyes)
- GUCCI Gold card (HAHAHHAHAH)
- Hair straightener ( I need it! )
- Most important- Arriving safely to see my family
Have a good time working everyone! I will update my trip with pictures and of course stay tune for the wedding pictures. Check my facebook out too!
Bon Voyage Australia
Yen
Thursday, November 8, 2007
Last Day in Docklands
My days are up in Docklands, the next trip back from Malaysia, I will be in a new apartment, with different surroundings, on Collins Street. Although it's only 10 minutes walk from Docklands, living by the harbour and in the city is totally a different feeling and environment. If I have a choice I will want to live in Docklands, a quiet environment, great views facing the harbour, and the outdoor stunning swimming pool, I will surely miss this home. However, if I had to choose between Docklands or a home with my privacy and freedom, I am sure I will choose freedom. It's so good sharing with my sister, having to live with people close to you, and most importantly, having the freedom to do anything I want. Yes, I will choose freedom.
These 2 weeks had been really hectic with so much packing to do, but I had it all planned out, everyday I packed a little to ensure that everything falls into place before I leave this Saturday back to Malaysia for my holidays. I have not felt the excitement yet, I reckon it's because I am so exhausted from packing and worrying at the same time, I don't feel I am on my holidays yet. I had all my furniture shopping done at Ikea on Melbourne's Cup Day, a quiet day with no traffic on the streets and not having to queue, I am glad I managed to get everything done.
I think I might have to stop buying things, just anything! It's hard when it comes to packing personal belongings, so much to throw out, and it's such a waste but at the sane time I can't store so much at my new apartment. I had 3 bags of old clothing, bags and shoes to donate, gosh! It's hard to buy what you need and not what you want! I am still learning :)
2 days till I am leaving.
Yen feels tired
Yen feels too much to do yet so little time
Yen has not feel the excitement yet
Yen does not want to go to work already
Yen is looking forward to see her family
Yen first meal in Malaysia will be Nasi Lemak..yummmmmm
Yen wants to sleep, good night everyone!
These 2 weeks had been really hectic with so much packing to do, but I had it all planned out, everyday I packed a little to ensure that everything falls into place before I leave this Saturday back to Malaysia for my holidays. I have not felt the excitement yet, I reckon it's because I am so exhausted from packing and worrying at the same time, I don't feel I am on my holidays yet. I had all my furniture shopping done at Ikea on Melbourne's Cup Day, a quiet day with no traffic on the streets and not having to queue, I am glad I managed to get everything done.
I think I might have to stop buying things, just anything! It's hard when it comes to packing personal belongings, so much to throw out, and it's such a waste but at the sane time I can't store so much at my new apartment. I had 3 bags of old clothing, bags and shoes to donate, gosh! It's hard to buy what you need and not what you want! I am still learning :)
2 days till I am leaving.
Yen feels tired
Yen feels too much to do yet so little time
Yen has not feel the excitement yet
Yen does not want to go to work already
Yen is looking forward to see her family
Yen first meal in Malaysia will be Nasi Lemak..yummmmmm
Yen wants to sleep, good night everyone!
Saturday, November 3, 2007
A little respect
I wish you would give me a little respect on how I feel, think about my feelings and reasons before deciding on something. I wish you would stop pretending and acting like you would sacrifice for me, but then taking a risk to see whether I would give in. I hate you! It's all about you and your events and friends, different lifestyle, something different bullshit! Stop chasing the superficial sight of life and neglect how I feel. You get to every event you want to, I have never not say No to where you want to go, and for once today, I wish you could cancel your plans and accompany me and my friends for my event. Is it so hard to do so?
What is so big deal about Simon's house or comforting Jenny, and what is the point of saying you did include me but when I am not even close to anyone there, and telling me is part of our plan. It has always been you, you and you. You wanted to go, you wanted to be part of yourself, and I am so called in your picture is when you casually include me in your plans. Have you ever asked whether I wanted to go? Would I be comfortable going and do I have any plans? After so many arguments and bullshit, you still act and pretend to take your mobile to say ''oh yeah, I will cancel the plans to make you happy'', but you did not! It's all an act.
Is it so wrong for me to ask you to accompany on my day off, to do something with my friends that you said we boring, just before I leave for Malaysia? Am I asking for too much? At the end of the day, it's not about the respect anymore, you go further by pointing out all my flaws and then tell me how sometimes you cancel your plans for me without telling me. So what??!?!?! You could have let me know and not make it sound like I am the bitch now. It's all about you. All about your cool friends and events. All about you being famous. All about YOURSELF!
Yeah we have different lifestyles. I am the boring one staying at home doing nothing. You happy now I am at home while you are at your cool friends' place. I am feeling upset and disappointed because I can't have any respect from you as a partner. You ask your partner questions, and think about their feelings before doing it your way. If you think I am such a burden, I am fucking not coming back to Aus, and should just live my life in Malaysia. How is that? fuck the moving out plans!
What is so big deal about Simon's house or comforting Jenny, and what is the point of saying you did include me but when I am not even close to anyone there, and telling me is part of our plan. It has always been you, you and you. You wanted to go, you wanted to be part of yourself, and I am so called in your picture is when you casually include me in your plans. Have you ever asked whether I wanted to go? Would I be comfortable going and do I have any plans? After so many arguments and bullshit, you still act and pretend to take your mobile to say ''oh yeah, I will cancel the plans to make you happy'', but you did not! It's all an act.
Is it so wrong for me to ask you to accompany on my day off, to do something with my friends that you said we boring, just before I leave for Malaysia? Am I asking for too much? At the end of the day, it's not about the respect anymore, you go further by pointing out all my flaws and then tell me how sometimes you cancel your plans for me without telling me. So what??!?!?! You could have let me know and not make it sound like I am the bitch now. It's all about you. All about your cool friends and events. All about you being famous. All about YOURSELF!
Yeah we have different lifestyles. I am the boring one staying at home doing nothing. You happy now I am at home while you are at your cool friends' place. I am feeling upset and disappointed because I can't have any respect from you as a partner. You ask your partner questions, and think about their feelings before doing it your way. If you think I am such a burden, I am fucking not coming back to Aus, and should just live my life in Malaysia. How is that? fuck the moving out plans!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Long overdue
I know it has been a long time since I blogged about my life, well overdue for 2 weeks, it's not that long, but I guess for people who comes by my blog, does complain. These 2 weeks had past me by in a blink of eye, so much has happened yet I can't seem to know where to start. Let's start with work, something boring but yet interesting, and then we shall move on to my future life expectations, and also a little bit of emo adding into it.
Firstly, work has been more stress free for the past 2 weeks, my assistant manager is back from her vacation, and with her guiding and assisting me, had help a lot in reducing my mental stress, recently, I have been sleeping like a baby, eating like a pig, and less pimples on my face everyday :) I realised the reasons pimple outbreaks happened so often, is because of the stress and unhappiness coming from my work. However, I have moved on from being unhappy over work, by expressing myself more to my manager, my love ones, and also sometimes through my blog. When you move from being a normal staff to a management level, everything changes, staff that you thought were your friends might no longer be the same, and often a distant need to be kept, it's sad, but it's the reality of life. If they are not mature to think like you, then it's not worth worrying and trying so hard to make a difference. Lesson to be learnt!
I have decided to move out from Docklands, we have managed to find a good 2 bedroom apartment on Collins Street, much closer to work, having to wake up 30 minutes later is awesome! There are many preparations to be done, I am going to have the next 3 months occupied with my new apartment, furniture shopping, work hours extended due to Xmas, and most importantly, my Malaysia trip :) I have less than a month to appreciate my stay in Docklands, I will surely miss the jacuzzi and swimming pool, which I hardly make use of it, and soon I am no longer entitled to it. I have so much to do yet so little time, I need to start packing my personal belongings, apartment inspection and furniture shopping before I leave for Malaysia. We are officially moving out on the 1st Dec to our new place, and I will only be back on the 2ND Dec, which means, my honey bunny will be doing all the hard work! Muaks :) Thanks for doing this! This what I am looking forward to, an apartment by ourselves, and not having to worry about sharing with weird housemate.
I fell sick for the last few days, caught a cold and was really exhausted, but I have been catching up with my sleep, had plenty of water, and now I am feeling much better. Unfortunately, with all these sickness, I am feeling emo and vulnerable, not wanting to go to work, and the shocking point is, I don't even feel like going out, I just want to stay under my blankets and sleep. Has anyone feel like this before?
Finally, I will update about Jacky Cheung concert on my next post, with some pictures and videos that might take some time to upload. I am missing the concert, he is awesome in singing, no sings as good as him :)
Till then, ciao!
Yen
Firstly, work has been more stress free for the past 2 weeks, my assistant manager is back from her vacation, and with her guiding and assisting me, had help a lot in reducing my mental stress, recently, I have been sleeping like a baby, eating like a pig, and less pimples on my face everyday :) I realised the reasons pimple outbreaks happened so often, is because of the stress and unhappiness coming from my work. However, I have moved on from being unhappy over work, by expressing myself more to my manager, my love ones, and also sometimes through my blog. When you move from being a normal staff to a management level, everything changes, staff that you thought were your friends might no longer be the same, and often a distant need to be kept, it's sad, but it's the reality of life. If they are not mature to think like you, then it's not worth worrying and trying so hard to make a difference. Lesson to be learnt!
I have decided to move out from Docklands, we have managed to find a good 2 bedroom apartment on Collins Street, much closer to work, having to wake up 30 minutes later is awesome! There are many preparations to be done, I am going to have the next 3 months occupied with my new apartment, furniture shopping, work hours extended due to Xmas, and most importantly, my Malaysia trip :) I have less than a month to appreciate my stay in Docklands, I will surely miss the jacuzzi and swimming pool, which I hardly make use of it, and soon I am no longer entitled to it. I have so much to do yet so little time, I need to start packing my personal belongings, apartment inspection and furniture shopping before I leave for Malaysia. We are officially moving out on the 1st Dec to our new place, and I will only be back on the 2ND Dec, which means, my honey bunny will be doing all the hard work! Muaks :) Thanks for doing this! This what I am looking forward to, an apartment by ourselves, and not having to worry about sharing with weird housemate.
I fell sick for the last few days, caught a cold and was really exhausted, but I have been catching up with my sleep, had plenty of water, and now I am feeling much better. Unfortunately, with all these sickness, I am feeling emo and vulnerable, not wanting to go to work, and the shocking point is, I don't even feel like going out, I just want to stay under my blankets and sleep. Has anyone feel like this before?
Finally, I will update about Jacky Cheung concert on my next post, with some pictures and videos that might take some time to upload. I am missing the concert, he is awesome in singing, no sings as good as him :)
Till then, ciao!
Yen
Monday, October 1, 2007
Never a win win situation
It's right that is never easy to manage a team, with different people from different backgrounds, and most importantly, choosing the right way to communicate with the team. Sometimes, I need to be who I am in the store, to manage and guide the team, and yes, there will be times I might have to tell workmates off. Everything I do, are with good intentions, but then, from their point of view, I am classified as the bad person.
I can't satisfy everyone, the way they want to be treated, because I do need to think of myself, my positions and the reason I am doing it. However, I am an emotional person, no matter how hard I try to take emotions away from my decision making, I can't. I know one thing I learn from this situation is that we can never be too close to one person at work, because it will be hard to make decisions and at the end of the day someone might get hurt.
Today, I realised I have never felt this in such a long time, the feeling of not wanting to go to work, the feeling of wanting to let go everything, and just collapse. I called in sick because I did not want to face anyone from work, did not want to pretend, and be jolly, and bury my head with paper works, I just wanted to rest and be myself today. Things will not be that hard, if I could lean on someone to help, to listen, or to let me know that things are going to be alright, and at this point in time, I need my managers to guide me, but then I am left alone.
I guess I have done my best at this point, and I can never be perfect to satisfy everyone, I can't cry at work, because this will prove I am not capable, the only time I can be myself is when I am at home, I let it all out.
I can't satisfy everyone, the way they want to be treated, because I do need to think of myself, my positions and the reason I am doing it. However, I am an emotional person, no matter how hard I try to take emotions away from my decision making, I can't. I know one thing I learn from this situation is that we can never be too close to one person at work, because it will be hard to make decisions and at the end of the day someone might get hurt.
Today, I realised I have never felt this in such a long time, the feeling of not wanting to go to work, the feeling of wanting to let go everything, and just collapse. I called in sick because I did not want to face anyone from work, did not want to pretend, and be jolly, and bury my head with paper works, I just wanted to rest and be myself today. Things will not be that hard, if I could lean on someone to help, to listen, or to let me know that things are going to be alright, and at this point in time, I need my managers to guide me, but then I am left alone.
I guess I have done my best at this point, and I can never be perfect to satisfy everyone, I can't cry at work, because this will prove I am not capable, the only time I can be myself is when I am at home, I let it all out.
Friday, September 28, 2007
Mamacas, Chapel Street
We meet good people as we grow, and there are times we need to part, it's sad, but it's life. I guess I always complain about how bad work is, but I never once did express myself, how happy am I to meet nice and good friends at my work place. It's funny because I see them at work everyday, and when we are working, we are serious, but when we come out together as friends, we have fun, and everything seems different from that perspective.
Zoe, whom I have know for more than a year from work, she is leaving to join Jet Star and no longer with Gucci. We had a farewell dinner yesterday at Mamacas, on Chapel Street, serving great Greek cuisine, it's more of a fine dining but at the same time it's a casual environment. We had wine, saganaki, chicken skewers, meatballs and lamb and what matters most to me, was the company I had. Yesterday night, I felt the stress from work had all disappeared, we did not talk about work, but we had some good conversations about life and food! I will miss Zoe, and I wish her the best of luck in her future with Jet Star, these pictures of us will all remain memorable.
At work, there are always people bitching about each other, we never can have time to sit down and get to know one another, but yesterday was something different. We were ourselves, behaving as good friends, with Zoe leaving us, I realised I should cherish everyone of them because you never know who might leave one day. Here are some pictures I would like to share, there are my colleagues at work and my friends whom I met while working in Gucci. Mind the wine effects, cheeky and red faces :)
Farewell Hug for Zoe
Daphne, Zoe's sister!
A close up of us! Red cheeks!
Cheers!
Rosemary, photo taking fanatic girl :P
Elvira and Takako
From left: Me, Zoe, Ayako, Ting, and Rosemary
Yen and Tiara
Cheers
Yen
Zoe, whom I have know for more than a year from work, she is leaving to join Jet Star and no longer with Gucci. We had a farewell dinner yesterday at Mamacas, on Chapel Street, serving great Greek cuisine, it's more of a fine dining but at the same time it's a casual environment. We had wine, saganaki, chicken skewers, meatballs and lamb and what matters most to me, was the company I had. Yesterday night, I felt the stress from work had all disappeared, we did not talk about work, but we had some good conversations about life and food! I will miss Zoe, and I wish her the best of luck in her future with Jet Star, these pictures of us will all remain memorable.
At work, there are always people bitching about each other, we never can have time to sit down and get to know one another, but yesterday was something different. We were ourselves, behaving as good friends, with Zoe leaving us, I realised I should cherish everyone of them because you never know who might leave one day. Here are some pictures I would like to share, there are my colleagues at work and my friends whom I met while working in Gucci. Mind the wine effects, cheeky and red faces :)
Farewell Hug for Zoe
Daphne, Zoe's sister!
A close up of us! Red cheeks!
Cheers!
Rosemary, photo taking fanatic girl :P
Elvira and Takako
From left: Me, Zoe, Ayako, Ting, and Rosemary
Yen and Tiara
Cheers
Yen
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Exhausted and Wrecked
I feel tired, almost everyday, it feels like I can never have enough rest, mentally exhausted and I am going to collapse anytime soon. I hate this job! I have so much to worry, so much burden on my shoulders, I can't rest, and I have no room to breathe. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Can someone help me?
Can someone help me?
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Forever love?
I am really down today. I have come to realise that, these 3 years 7 months is nothing but rubbish. I feel that, there are no trust in us, most importantly, I can't feel it from you. Every weekend, there are something to argue about, from the smallest issue to some of the worst ones. However, whenever I sit down by myself and think, I realised that it has become a norm, and I am starting to feel a little insecure about us as a whole picture. The cries, the feeling of being so unhappy had happen so frequent, and at some stage, I don't know if it's my fault or yours, but I guess it doesn't matter because whenever we see each other, we have something against each other.
Today, I felt disappointment, most of all I don't feel the love, but all I see is you trying to prove yourself right, to the point where you have neglected my feelings, over a small issue. I feel the pressure of using your properties, I feel that these material, no life things are far much more important than me, as a human, alive and needing the special care and attention. I swear if I did have the monetary power, I will never need someone like you, to support and help me, but in return I felt that I have owed you in so many ways. You don't make me feel like you are willing to help me because you love me, but as an obligation, am I right? Today, I feel powerless, threatened, and most of all, I don't feel the love from you, or maybe I have learn to love less?
Every weekend, you have never failed to make me upset, never failed to make me realised that I am beginning to feel insecure, I am really exhausted from all these arguments. Today, I told myself I will be good, just enjoy the great afternoon, and yes, I was looking forward to it, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you have never failed to prove to me you do not have the intention to have a great day. If we want to continue this journey, there are so much effort to put in it, it's not about playing with your life, and having me to take the risk, whether this is worth the journey, I am tired. I am just human.
Tears are running down my face as I am typing all these, these are true words from my heart. I feel like giving up.
Yen
Today, I felt disappointment, most of all I don't feel the love, but all I see is you trying to prove yourself right, to the point where you have neglected my feelings, over a small issue. I feel the pressure of using your properties, I feel that these material, no life things are far much more important than me, as a human, alive and needing the special care and attention. I swear if I did have the monetary power, I will never need someone like you, to support and help me, but in return I felt that I have owed you in so many ways. You don't make me feel like you are willing to help me because you love me, but as an obligation, am I right? Today, I feel powerless, threatened, and most of all, I don't feel the love from you, or maybe I have learn to love less?
Every weekend, you have never failed to make me upset, never failed to make me realised that I am beginning to feel insecure, I am really exhausted from all these arguments. Today, I told myself I will be good, just enjoy the great afternoon, and yes, I was looking forward to it, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you have never failed to prove to me you do not have the intention to have a great day. If we want to continue this journey, there are so much effort to put in it, it's not about playing with your life, and having me to take the risk, whether this is worth the journey, I am tired. I am just human.
Tears are running down my face as I am typing all these, these are true words from my heart. I feel like giving up.
Yen
Saturday, September 8, 2007
A week full of adventure
It's been a week since I last updated, I think this blog has been abandoned for a while, life is pretty much the same, working full time and paying of bills. This week has been full of surprises, ups and downs, and most importantly, having to cope with the stress. I have to say I am lousy when it comes to being an optimistic person or I am not too good in coping with stress, especially at work. This week I have been trying to run a business and I can tell you, it's not easy being a manager, having to deal with different problems and at the same time having to make sure the staff is working their ass off. Mind the language. I have to say I have been coping really well, given the fact that I have so little time to learn everything from admin, to doing the roster, to stock transfer, handling customer complains, and the hardest part is having to use my most professional way to reason with the staff. Some call in sick and not coming to work on time, I am so over it!
On a lighter note, I am learning new things everyday, having new experience and yes, it does contribute to my resume and I hope this will bring me somewhere. I am learning to build new customer relationship, building the trust and delivering my service, maybe one fine day, I can have my own business :) Working in Gucci is not easy as it seems, there are lots to learn, everyday I come across different problems, and when I am stress, pimples start popping out everywhere on my face. The easiest job might be the hardest, do not judge the book by it's cover. At the end of the day, we work to support ourselves, to survive and learn to be a better person.
I am looking forward to my holidays in November, the time to relax and cherish every single minute with my love ones back home. The best time, when work is off your mind, is when you are having the best time of your life, drinking, eating, shopping and just having the time to waste and to catch up on sleep.
I am definitely waiting for this moment :)
2 months till I am back......
Yen
On a lighter note, I am learning new things everyday, having new experience and yes, it does contribute to my resume and I hope this will bring me somewhere. I am learning to build new customer relationship, building the trust and delivering my service, maybe one fine day, I can have my own business :) Working in Gucci is not easy as it seems, there are lots to learn, everyday I come across different problems, and when I am stress, pimples start popping out everywhere on my face. The easiest job might be the hardest, do not judge the book by it's cover. At the end of the day, we work to support ourselves, to survive and learn to be a better person.
I am looking forward to my holidays in November, the time to relax and cherish every single minute with my love ones back home. The best time, when work is off your mind, is when you are having the best time of your life, drinking, eating, shopping and just having the time to waste and to catch up on sleep.
I am definitely waiting for this moment :)
2 months till I am back......
Yen
Friday, August 31, 2007
Happy Birthday Mum & Happy Merdeka Day!
Happy birthday mum! Today, every year I think of you and wish I was there to celebrate your birthday, unfortunately, I have been unable to for the last few years, but I never fail to wish you. It's Chui San first year not able to celebrate this special event with you, but one thing for sure we think of your unconditional love for us through out the years, and today it's the day you were brought to the world by god, and without you, we won't be here. I hope today will be the best day, enjoy every minute and make the best out of it. We miss you!
Happy Merdeka Day to everyone back in Malaysia. 50 years if independence, proud of it :)
Yen
Thursday, August 30, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEI SAN!
Happy Birthday my dear friend! I guess I never fail to wish you every year and, thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most. I am looking forward to spend time with you when I get back in Nov :) I hope today, will be the day you feel special, pampered and treasured by your love ones! Also, have a blast at Jacky Cheung concert :)
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