I am feeling a little down at the moment. I don't know why. I thought I was all good with how my life has turn out to be right now, but there are times I have expectations, and I can't help and think what will happen if things were not done like this.
Everyone thinks we will get back together, because we are still friends, we see each other, we have dinners, we call each other and we still care. Everyone make comments about the fact that we should not be friends that quickly. We should stay away and meet new friends and probably find someone, to be able to move on and have a new life. I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. You have been part of my life for the last 5 years, I am sure if you found someone right now, I will be sad or devastated, because I still care and want to be that special person.
At this age, it feels like I am hanging, I can't seem to go all the way out there and be a different person because I do not want to regret doing things I should not have done. At the same time, I want to meet different people, I want to really know the feeling of falling in love again. I wish this one person will call or ask me out, but it never happens and sometimes I feel I should take the effort and try to be different for once but I never have the guts to do so. And there is this other person, who calls and ask me out all the time, I do go and give it try but there isn't any chemistry.
I know I sound like a 17 year old high school kid who can't decide what she wants but all of us go through this stage all the time and I am one of them. I am naive, I want to meet this one person who I fall in love with and get marry within 2 years when we are still in love. Will this happen?
I believe so BUT at the same time I am just having doubts about finding the person I want to spend my life with.
I think a lot, about stupid things and fantasize ridiculous scenes which normally take me from my reality. Wake up yen! Let things take it stroll.
Sigh...I don't know what I am rambling about but this is one of the moments when you are single and wish you had someone by your side to listen to all these crap.
I miss you right now :(
Thursday, July 23, 2009
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
Time flies
It's been exactly 3 months since we both parted, when I think back about the day you wanted to leave, so many memories come flashing back. What are we now at the moment? Are we having a casual relationship or we are close friends? I am not sure myself. I know I still care for you, and I treat you as a very close friend. I feel comfortable talking to you, I don't have to pretend, and I feel you know me more than anyone else.
I feel there is a heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when we are no longer together. I think you feel the same as well. We have been carrying these burdens for the last 5 years, and now I have never felt so free and it feels there are so much time around. It's weird how we met 5 years ago, we fell in love, we went through so many ups and downs, and to get through all the obstacles we thought we could. I guess there are some obstacles we can never get pass, you and I know that we will not end up being together forever.
Over the last 3 months, I have been hit with so many different types of emotions. One thing for sure, I have been through the worst, the times when I need to move on and face reality. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes, I do think of you, I wonder what are you doing, where are you and how you are going? I think there is this strong bond between us that will never fade, how long will this last and will we ever meet someone better? I don't know...
Maybe if we did part for 6 months, things might be different? Maybe if we did give it a try again, we might be able to get through the obstacles? Maybe....there were so many maybes...but we never took those maybes...
I used to spend time thinking how to want you to love me more, how we can spend quality time together, and how we can build a future. There were goals and aims that I want to work for us. Now, when we are no longer together, these goals do not apply and I am now feeling lost. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? How can I meet the one? What do I want to achieve? All these questions are running in my mind and sometimes I feel sad that I do not know what I want.
When there are no expectations, we will not be disappointed, but when we do, we often get disappointed. I think that was the main issue in our relationship. I expected a lot out of you.
As long we are happy with what we are now, everything seems good :)
Take care...
I feel there is a heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when we are no longer together. I think you feel the same as well. We have been carrying these burdens for the last 5 years, and now I have never felt so free and it feels there are so much time around. It's weird how we met 5 years ago, we fell in love, we went through so many ups and downs, and to get through all the obstacles we thought we could. I guess there are some obstacles we can never get pass, you and I know that we will not end up being together forever.
Over the last 3 months, I have been hit with so many different types of emotions. One thing for sure, I have been through the worst, the times when I need to move on and face reality. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes, I do think of you, I wonder what are you doing, where are you and how you are going? I think there is this strong bond between us that will never fade, how long will this last and will we ever meet someone better? I don't know...
Maybe if we did part for 6 months, things might be different? Maybe if we did give it a try again, we might be able to get through the obstacles? Maybe....there were so many maybes...but we never took those maybes...
I used to spend time thinking how to want you to love me more, how we can spend quality time together, and how we can build a future. There were goals and aims that I want to work for us. Now, when we are no longer together, these goals do not apply and I am now feeling lost. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? How can I meet the one? What do I want to achieve? All these questions are running in my mind and sometimes I feel sad that I do not know what I want.
When there are no expectations, we will not be disappointed, but when we do, we often get disappointed. I think that was the main issue in our relationship. I expected a lot out of you.
As long we are happy with what we are now, everything seems good :)
Take care...
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