I am sick, not feeling well, called in sick but it's not the actually sick I am feeling but it's the thought of feeling useless is making me really sick. I cried really badly, and I thought the only time I would cry is for love, but today I cried because I feel useless. The fact that you work so hard, but still get shits and earning as little as potatoes, made you feel that you are not a very great person. The fact that I have so many things I want to achieve, and yet when you need help the most from your love ones, they disappoint you in every way.
I might seem like a girl who has everything, a perfect family, loving parents, a caring boyfriend, a good job, and just because I live by the Harbour, or the fact I am in Melbourne, but these are all what lay in everyone eyes, but not that perfect in reality. Everyone has their own story behind every perfect scene, and I am one of those who seems like everything is going well, but at the end, I am pretty much useless. I always get stepped on, get told off, get shits, and worst of all, I can't stand up for myself. I always say I will do what I should, but I never can, because I am afraid and till today I am stuck at where I am.
The reason I buy things for myself, the very main reason is to make myself happy. Sometimes we work so hard, everyday we have troubles, and the only time I see it's worth it it's when I buy things to feel better. I feel I have no goals to achieve in life, besides waiting for my every month pay, paying rent and bills. I wish I was born rich, I wish I had the money in the world, to F***ing buy what I want, when I don't need to F***ing depend on anyone, I wish I did not have to look at people's faces or listen to their talks before you can ask for their help. I wish I can have the power to do what I want!
I hate this world, I hate reality, I hate my life.
A space where you can sit down, and create a space where everyone can see from your eyes, a space with no voice to interupt, a space so big to move around, picture freedom and peace.
About Me
- Chuiyen
- Melbourne, Vic, Australia
- I am who I am. A simple yet complicated girl. Emotional. Kind hearted. Jealous. Love dressing up. Mature.
Yen's fav hangouts
Addictions
- Gucci Bags
- Heroes
- Ikea shopping
- Koko Black
- Lancome Lip Gloss
- Movies
- Msn
- Peter Alexander Sleepwear
- Shoes
- Shopping
- Sleep
- Spicy chicken salt fried rice ( Dessert House)
3 comments:
You are not useless Yen. Everyone have their own qualities, and its the matter that you can see it in urself or not. Ok, let me tell u what I like about u as a friend... you are a true friend cos u wont act or pretend to be anything/anyone that u r not. You r caring in ur own way, and thats you~ It is easy to be said than done... but u shud cherish wat u have and i really do think u have capabilities to achieve what u wanna achieve. Yes, I might not understand fully of ur experience and circumstance. However as a friend, i wanna tell u that no one is useless, cos u r still contributing to this world.
Yen, you are not useless! We all go through stages in life when everything just doesn't seem worth it, or nothing seems to go our way. But I think we need to focus on the things that make us happy and block out anything negative. Easier said then done! But it can be done. We have become much closer friends in the past few months and I hope it continues. You are a great person and don't ever forget that.
Thanks Bobby and April! You guys are reading my blog, the feeling of having some attention here :) It's just one of those days I feel shit, that's all! Working on how to move on and get what I want!
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