I feel tired, almost everyday, it feels like I can never have enough rest, mentally exhausted and I am going to collapse anytime soon. I hate this job! I have so much to worry, so much burden on my shoulders, I can't rest, and I have no room to breathe. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
Can someone help me?
Tuesday, September 18, 2007
Saturday, September 15, 2007
Forever love?
I am really down today. I have come to realise that, these 3 years 7 months is nothing but rubbish. I feel that, there are no trust in us, most importantly, I can't feel it from you. Every weekend, there are something to argue about, from the smallest issue to some of the worst ones. However, whenever I sit down by myself and think, I realised that it has become a norm, and I am starting to feel a little insecure about us as a whole picture. The cries, the feeling of being so unhappy had happen so frequent, and at some stage, I don't know if it's my fault or yours, but I guess it doesn't matter because whenever we see each other, we have something against each other.
Today, I felt disappointment, most of all I don't feel the love, but all I see is you trying to prove yourself right, to the point where you have neglected my feelings, over a small issue. I feel the pressure of using your properties, I feel that these material, no life things are far much more important than me, as a human, alive and needing the special care and attention. I swear if I did have the monetary power, I will never need someone like you, to support and help me, but in return I felt that I have owed you in so many ways. You don't make me feel like you are willing to help me because you love me, but as an obligation, am I right? Today, I feel powerless, threatened, and most of all, I don't feel the love from you, or maybe I have learn to love less?
Every weekend, you have never failed to make me upset, never failed to make me realised that I am beginning to feel insecure, I am really exhausted from all these arguments. Today, I told myself I will be good, just enjoy the great afternoon, and yes, I was looking forward to it, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you have never failed to prove to me you do not have the intention to have a great day. If we want to continue this journey, there are so much effort to put in it, it's not about playing with your life, and having me to take the risk, whether this is worth the journey, I am tired. I am just human.
Tears are running down my face as I am typing all these, these are true words from my heart. I feel like giving up.
Yen
Today, I felt disappointment, most of all I don't feel the love, but all I see is you trying to prove yourself right, to the point where you have neglected my feelings, over a small issue. I feel the pressure of using your properties, I feel that these material, no life things are far much more important than me, as a human, alive and needing the special care and attention. I swear if I did have the monetary power, I will never need someone like you, to support and help me, but in return I felt that I have owed you in so many ways. You don't make me feel like you are willing to help me because you love me, but as an obligation, am I right? Today, I feel powerless, threatened, and most of all, I don't feel the love from you, or maybe I have learn to love less?
Every weekend, you have never failed to make me upset, never failed to make me realised that I am beginning to feel insecure, I am really exhausted from all these arguments. Today, I told myself I will be good, just enjoy the great afternoon, and yes, I was looking forward to it, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you have never failed to prove to me you do not have the intention to have a great day. If we want to continue this journey, there are so much effort to put in it, it's not about playing with your life, and having me to take the risk, whether this is worth the journey, I am tired. I am just human.
Tears are running down my face as I am typing all these, these are true words from my heart. I feel like giving up.
Yen
Saturday, September 8, 2007
A week full of adventure
It's been a week since I last updated, I think this blog has been abandoned for a while, life is pretty much the same, working full time and paying of bills. This week has been full of surprises, ups and downs, and most importantly, having to cope with the stress. I have to say I am lousy when it comes to being an optimistic person or I am not too good in coping with stress, especially at work. This week I have been trying to run a business and I can tell you, it's not easy being a manager, having to deal with different problems and at the same time having to make sure the staff is working their ass off. Mind the language. I have to say I have been coping really well, given the fact that I have so little time to learn everything from admin, to doing the roster, to stock transfer, handling customer complains, and the hardest part is having to use my most professional way to reason with the staff. Some call in sick and not coming to work on time, I am so over it!
On a lighter note, I am learning new things everyday, having new experience and yes, it does contribute to my resume and I hope this will bring me somewhere. I am learning to build new customer relationship, building the trust and delivering my service, maybe one fine day, I can have my own business :) Working in Gucci is not easy as it seems, there are lots to learn, everyday I come across different problems, and when I am stress, pimples start popping out everywhere on my face. The easiest job might be the hardest, do not judge the book by it's cover. At the end of the day, we work to support ourselves, to survive and learn to be a better person.
I am looking forward to my holidays in November, the time to relax and cherish every single minute with my love ones back home. The best time, when work is off your mind, is when you are having the best time of your life, drinking, eating, shopping and just having the time to waste and to catch up on sleep.
I am definitely waiting for this moment :)
2 months till I am back......
Yen
On a lighter note, I am learning new things everyday, having new experience and yes, it does contribute to my resume and I hope this will bring me somewhere. I am learning to build new customer relationship, building the trust and delivering my service, maybe one fine day, I can have my own business :) Working in Gucci is not easy as it seems, there are lots to learn, everyday I come across different problems, and when I am stress, pimples start popping out everywhere on my face. The easiest job might be the hardest, do not judge the book by it's cover. At the end of the day, we work to support ourselves, to survive and learn to be a better person.
I am looking forward to my holidays in November, the time to relax and cherish every single minute with my love ones back home. The best time, when work is off your mind, is when you are having the best time of your life, drinking, eating, shopping and just having the time to waste and to catch up on sleep.
I am definitely waiting for this moment :)
2 months till I am back......
Yen
Friday, August 31, 2007
Happy Birthday Mum & Happy Merdeka Day!
Happy birthday mum! Today, every year I think of you and wish I was there to celebrate your birthday, unfortunately, I have been unable to for the last few years, but I never fail to wish you. It's Chui San first year not able to celebrate this special event with you, but one thing for sure we think of your unconditional love for us through out the years, and today it's the day you were brought to the world by god, and without you, we won't be here. I hope today will be the best day, enjoy every minute and make the best out of it. We miss you!
Happy Merdeka Day to everyone back in Malaysia. 50 years if independence, proud of it :)
Yen
Thursday, August 30, 2007
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEI SAN!
Happy Birthday my dear friend! I guess I never fail to wish you every year and, thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most. I am looking forward to spend time with you when I get back in Nov :) I hope today, will be the day you feel special, pampered and treasured by your love ones! Also, have a blast at Jacky Cheung concert :)
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