Little Space

Why do we need answers

2009-09-27T21:53:00.004+10:00

Love is an addiction, it taste sweet like chocolates and when you have one decent bite, you want more and will not stop indulging till you feel satisfied. That is exactly what love is all about.

Love makes you wonder and think about the person you like.

Love makes you think more than what you should not.

Love makes your heart beat so fast you are afraid it will stop.

Love makes you want to listen to love songs that have the most meaningful lyrics.

Love makes you nervous and probably wondering why you are sweating all the time.

Love makes you wonder if he will ever call or come and see you.

Love makes all possibilities but at the same time love can break your heart to pieces.

Love can make you cry.

Love can break you heart and leave a scar.

As much as I believe in finding the right love, as much as I want to find you, I am not sure if this will come anytime soon.

I like you and that's all it matters right?

The past does not matter, the present is unpredictable, why not look at now?

The past shapes you to be who you are today, and the future is what you want to work towards, can we take one step at a time?

Weird feeling

2009-07-23T21:22:00.003+10:00

I am feeling a little down at the moment. I don't know why. I thought I was all good with how my life has turn out to be right now, but there are times I have expectations, and I can't help and think what will happen if things were not done like this.

Everyone thinks we will get back together, because we are still friends, we see each other, we have dinners, we call each other and we still care. Everyone make comments about the fact that we should not be friends that quickly. We should stay away and meet new friends and probably find someone, to be able to move on and have a new life. I don't know what to feel or think at the moment. You have been part of my life for the last 5 years, I am sure if you found someone right now, I will be sad or devastated, because I still care and want to be that special person.

At this age, it feels like I am hanging, I can't seem to go all the way out there and be a different person because I do not want to regret doing things I should not have done. At the same time, I want to meet different people, I want to really know the feeling of falling in love again. I wish this one person will call or ask me out, but it never happens and sometimes I feel I should take the effort and try to be different for once but I never have the guts to do so. And there is this other person, who calls and ask me out all the time, I do go and give it try but there isn't any chemistry.

I know I sound like a 17 year old high school kid who can't decide what she wants but all of us go through this stage all the time and I am one of them. I am naive, I want to meet this one person who I fall in love with and get marry within 2 years when we are still in love. Will this happen?
I believe so BUT at the same time I am just having doubts about finding the person I want to spend my life with.

I think a lot, about stupid things and fantasize ridiculous scenes which normally take me from my reality. Wake up yen! Let things take it stroll.

Sigh...I don't know what I am rambling about but this is one of the moments when you are single and wish you had someone by your side to listen to all these crap.

I miss you right now :(

Time flies

2009-07-15T21:33:00.005+10:00

It's been exactly 3 months since we both parted, when I think back about the day you wanted to leave, so many memories come flashing back. What are we now at the moment? Are we having a casual relationship or we are close friends? I am not sure myself. I know I still care for you, and I treat you as a very close friend. I feel comfortable talking to you, I don't have to pretend, and I feel you know me more than anyone else.

I feel there is a heavy burden lifted up from my shoulders when we are no longer together. I think you feel the same as well. We have been carrying these burdens for the last 5 years, and now I have never felt so free and it feels there are so much time around. It's weird how we met 5 years ago, we fell in love, we went through so many ups and downs, and to get through all the obstacles we thought we could. I guess there are some obstacles we can never get pass, you and I know that we will not end up being together forever.

Over the last 3 months, I have been hit with so many different types of emotions. One thing for sure, I have been through the worst, the times when I need to move on and face reality. What does not kill you makes you stronger. Sometimes, I do think of you, I wonder what are you doing, where are you and how you are going? I think there is this strong bond between us that will never fade, how long will this last and will we ever meet someone better? I don't know...

Maybe if we did part for 6 months, things might be different? Maybe if we did give it a try again, we might be able to get through the obstacles? Maybe....there were so many maybes...but we never took those maybes...

I used to spend time thinking how to want you to love me more, how we can spend quality time together, and how we can build a future. There were goals and aims that I want to work for us. Now, when we are no longer together, these goals do not apply and I am now feeling lost. Where do I want to be? What do I want to do? How can I meet the one? What do I want to achieve? All these questions are running in my mind and sometimes I feel sad that I do not know what I want.

When there are no expectations, we will not be disappointed, but when we do, we often get disappointed. I think that was the main issue in our relationship. I expected a lot out of you.

As long we are happy with what we are now, everything seems good :)

Take care...

A new beginning for me

2009-05-15T23:24:00.003+10:00

Everyone deserves one that treats them well. I believe there will be one out there for me. Today, I will fill my empty spots with things that matters. You were just someone that passed me by, you are someone I will not want to hold on too. The day I can forget you is the day I have found someone I love and will cherished me for the person I am.

Time is my best tool. I want everyday to pass as quickly as possible, I want my life to have a new beginning. For everyone who knows me, I will want them not to worry, to my parents who has been there supporting me, for my friends who has given me so many advices, for my superior who has been understanding, I appreciate everyone of you support and care. I might have not been myself lately, I did not mean it to happen like that. Sometimes, love just drives you crazy, it can give you the most happy moments but at the same time, it can bring you tears and heartaches. I want to be rational and not emotional, I will learn and use my head to think before doing anything.

Today, mark my new beginning to a new life......

What goes around comes around

2009-05-03T14:55:00.007+10:00

Reading my previous posts in this blog reminds me of how I used to spend time expressing myself through this little space. Many things have changed, so many that I don't know where to start. I think blogging is another way a person can express their true self, although not a lot of my friends or love ones know about this blog, but one day, I am sure they will come across it and realized how I feel about my life.

Life is about making plans, achieving the objectives and often, the results might not be the desire ones. You have been part of my life in Australia, no doubt now things are different, I feel that your bond is still very strong in me. I reflected on the past, from the first day we met till the day we came to an end. It's surprise how I feel there is this heavy burden lifted from my shoulders, and I am sure you feel the same, but at the end of the day good memories will remained.

I might not be that strong person you think I am or will ever be, but I am yet to prove to you that you are wrong. I did not give up, but you have made me realized feelings and love is not everything, it doesn't guarantee a future or return. I have spend a considerable amount of time and although I know that one day will never come, I took the risk.

Everyday, I have flashback of us, there are pictures, places, things that often remind me of us. I think this is the phase I have to go through. It hurts, having to hear the person to say things you never thought you would hear, there is this sharp knife pierce right through my heart. That does not mean I am not strong. I have feelings and is emotional, but you once said you loved me for being compassionate.

I want my love for you everyday to grow less.

I want you to know you gave up on us.

I want to learn not to hate you.

I want to stop seeing you.

I want myself to be happy

I will move on ....

My mix feeling at the moment...

2007-12-01T19:50:00.000+11:00

I feel sad...

The Reality of Living in Malaysia

2007-11-23T03:19:00.000+11:00

No doubt Malaysia, my home country, born and breed, I am a Malaysian, yes I am proud to be one. I have been in down under for the past 6 years, I have build my life there and I am happy to be a permanent resident, but I guess Australia will always remain as my second home, unless in the near future, I will settle down and have my family, I can call down under my first home. The times when I missed home, I wish was back, I get all the attentions from my family and friends, feeling rich with the amount of AUD I have due to the high exchange rate, sleep in, food is always ready on the table, no commitments and burdens, and most important, I have so many friends to hang out and talk too. Life is never boring here, but life here is hectic!

However, I can't see myself living in Malaysia at the moment, I mean if I ever return here to start my life, I might need time to get use to the environment. I have only been driving for the past few days, and realised I can die of heart attack driving, because the drivers here are crazy! There are three things I realised about them, firstly, they NEVER use their signals when turning right or left, I would suggest the Malaysian cars not to have a signal in the cars, because they never use it! Secondly, the cars have to follow closely behind your bumper, a way of letting you know, you are driving too slow, get out of my way! Excuse me! Since when driving according to the speed limit is a crime, oh yeah I forgot, there is never a speed limit in Malaysia! Lastly, the drivers here use the honk more than their signals, so when you hear a horn, you have to look twice and see whether some idiots are trying to get pass you!

Another important issue concerned, will be the cost of living, everything are expensive, from food to clothing, cosmetics, shoes, toiletries, but the weird thing is, the salary package has barely increased over the past few years! How do people survive here? The starting pay is low, and everyone has to work their way up to at least reach RM3000 ( $1000), with 2 years experience, having to pay for car installments ( the prices of the car are very expensive!), shopping for work clothes, a shirt would average cost at least RM70 and above, shoes, cosmetics, and knowing my spending habits, I can never have enough to spend here. I just don't understand how they survive! The only reason I understand why I can buy things here without thinking twice, is because I am earning AUD, and with the strong exchange rate now, I feel is worth the value to buy, but if I was working here, I might not even consider buying anything.

One final concern would be the security, everywhere I go, everyone tell me, make sure you have your handbag close to you at all times, for example, when we are at a restaurant, we have to put our bags on our laps, to ensure the bag is safe, because putting it on the table or a chair next to us, would encourage people to steal from us. I can't eat or drink properly with the bag on my lap, it's so inconvenient but if I don't do so, I can have the risk of losing my bag! I am not encourage to wear any gold jewellery or items that might attract people to look, and when they look, I feel so uncomfortable. It's not safe to drive alone, to go out till late, or even to walk on the streets, because anything can happen at anytime. I feel safe when I am back in Australia, walking on the streets during wee hours were never a problem, having open bags without a zipper was never a security issue, this is the reason we are taxed so high because the government provides us with securities to ensure we are safe. The polices here are corrupted, they don't care about our securities and probably under paid to do their job!

The thing I miss here is the night life, there are so many cafes, pubs and clubs opened at the moment, anytime of the day, there are lots of people around and it makes me feel that I have a life. It feels good to catch up with old high school friends, getting to know how their life is going, what it would feel like if I was to settle down here for good. One thing I am sure, I can never leave work early, and might have to stay up late depending on the job I have, because everyone here have their dinner after 9 pm, it's sad, but they are used to it.

Sometimes, I feel I am in the middle of a crossroad, I don't know which path to take, and when I am at different places I feel different. Everyone wish they were in Australia and some are trying so hard to apply for permanent residency or working visa to live and work there. As for me, I am fortunate to have my permanent residency visa, and allows me to work and live there, to fly back and from Malaysia. I guess the grass is always greener on the other side, not until you have experience both world, then you will know what to choose. I miss Australia at the moment, I miss the relaxed life, the weather, I definitely don't miss the work! Work is something I am not looking forward to at the moment, it's hard when you have a holiday abroad, when everyday is a Sunday, but it's time I face reality. Stress, stress and more stress!

One week till I am leaving, part of me want to stay and leave at the same time. Is this normal?

Yen

When 2 become 1

2007-11-19T17:50:00.000+11:00

It has been a week already since I touch down, and time do fly quickly when you are having a great time! I have too many pictures to post, but I will select some good ones to post. I attended my good friend's wedding last weekend, as a bride's maid, I had so much to prepare and do before and during the ceremony. I stayed at her place on a Friday night, having to wake up at 6 am the very next day, prepared difficult questions for the bridegroom, and to make sure we get the right amount of ''angpao'' from them :) After the tea ceremony, we travelled 3.5 hours to Kluang, another state situated at the South of Peninsula Malaysia. I have not been travelling interstate for a very long time, but I have to say, it does feel different in smaller towns, but it was a good catch up with everyone. It's weird how everyone knows everyone, and it's a small world, that people we knew by the name but whom we never thought we had a chance to meet, and this occasion had bring a lot of nice people together. I guess when u least expect, good things happen. I can say I enjoyed myself!

I am lack of sleep for these few days, and I am glad I can now get connected to the Internet, have my space to relax and no time commitments or sms and calls coming in every hour. I have another wedding dinner to attend this coming Saturday, and I am looking forward to meet my ex uni mates, have some drinks and be loud!

Please feel free to visit my flickr website for the wedding pictures! http://www.flickr.com/photos/10155261@N08/?saved=1

Cheers
Yen

Touch down

2007-11-11T12:43:00.001+11:00

I have safely touch down, having a little jet lagged, and my flight experience was terrible. First to start off, my pre departure didn't go to well, had problem uploading songs into my Ipod, and did not go to yum cha at red emperor because time was running out! I arrived at the airport, and there was a long line for check in, apparently the flight was full! I got my sit next to an Aussie woman in her mid 40's, did not speak a single word, how rude.

We had a bad weather conditions yesterday during the flight, there were a few times we experienced some turbulence, and I hate it when this happen. I start to visualise all the bad sights of travelling on the air plane. anything can happen, for example, like a crash! My hands were sweaty, and my head was spinning, my heart was falling out, it's such a bad experience. Now, I still feel the turbulence feeling while I am typing this out. We touch downed on time, but the baggage collection was delayed due to technical problems, I had to wait for nearly more than half an hour to get my luggage. When I did, one of the locks on my bag were missing, I had a bad feeling someone might open my bag and steal my things, my heart was racing, and I quickly open it, and realised everything are still in place! Phew!

I guess the most important part, I get to see my family waiting for me with a big smile and hug, they had waited for nearly an hour, but everything is good :) Dad is getting a little old, he looks thin and he said is due to stress. Mum is nagging me as usual, about my hair, my food, you know the mum's routine speech! I still need sometime to get used to the environment, the weather is humid, but it's not as hot as I expected.

It's weird, but I miss Australia, I guess everyone goes through the mix feeling of being at 2 different places.

Cheers
Yen

Leaving in 3 hours

2007-11-10T11:26:00.000+11:00

I am leaving for Malaysia in 3 hours time. I can't find my novels, which I intended to bring aboard the plane to read during my 8 hours flight back. Unfortunately, I can't find it in any of the boxes, there are all sealed and it's annoying! I have not updated my Ipod songs, the apple function is so not user friendly, now I can't decide whether I should go for a Ipod Nano Video. I am excited to be going back and having a holiday. I have finish packing EVERYTHING, except having to carry people's item, which will be putting more weight on to my bag, and for once I wish I can travel light. I am never going to tell everyone I am going back to Malaysia for holidays, when all these favours start coming up, and it's so hard not to say NO!

Important items I need to bring with me during my holidays:

Camera, snap snap!
Sun block ( strong sun everywhere)
Shorts ( for comfort)
Sunnies ( to protect my eyes)
GUCCI Gold card (HAHAHHAHAH)
Hair straightener ( I need it! )
Most important- Arriving safely to see my family

Have a good time working everyone! I will update my trip with pictures and of course stay tune for the wedding pictures. Check my facebook out too!

Bon Voyage Australia

Yen

Last Day in Docklands

2007-11-08T00:34:00.000+11:00

My days are up in Docklands, the next trip back from Malaysia, I will be in a new apartment, with different surroundings, on Collins Street. Although it's only 10 minutes walk from Docklands, living by the harbour and in the city is totally a different feeling and environment. If I have a choice I will want to live in Docklands, a quiet environment, great views facing the harbour, and the outdoor stunning swimming pool, I will surely miss this home. However, if I had to choose between Docklands or a home with my privacy and freedom, I am sure I will choose freedom. It's so good sharing with my sister, having to live with people close to you, and most importantly, having the freedom to do anything I want. Yes, I will choose freedom.

These 2 weeks had been really hectic with so much packing to do, but I had it all planned out, everyday I packed a little to ensure that everything falls into place before I leave this Saturday back to Malaysia for my holidays. I have not felt the excitement yet, I reckon it's because I am so exhausted from packing and worrying at the same time, I don't feel I am on my holidays yet. I had all my furniture shopping done at Ikea on Melbourne's Cup Day, a quiet day with no traffic on the streets and not having to queue, I am glad I managed to get everything done.

I think I might have to stop buying things, just anything! It's hard when it comes to packing personal belongings, so much to throw out, and it's such a waste but at the sane time I can't store so much at my new apartment. I had 3 bags of old clothing, bags and shoes to donate, gosh! It's hard to buy what you need and not what you want! I am still learning :)

2 days till I am leaving.

Yen feels tired
Yen feels too much to do yet so little time
Yen has not feel the excitement yet
Yen does not want to go to work already
Yen is looking forward to see her family
Yen first meal in Malaysia will be Nasi Lemak..yummmmmm

Yen wants to sleep, good night everyone!

A little respect

2007-11-03T21:41:00.000+11:00

I wish you would give me a little respect on how I feel, think about my feelings and reasons before deciding on something. I wish you would stop pretending and acting like you would sacrifice for me, but then taking a risk to see whether I would give in. I hate you! It's all about you and your events and friends, different lifestyle, something different bullshit! Stop chasing the superficial sight of life and neglect how I feel. You get to every event you want to, I have never not say No to where you want to go, and for once today, I wish you could cancel your plans and accompany me and my friends for my event. Is it so hard to do so?

What is so big deal about Simon's house or comforting Jenny, and what is the point of saying you did include me but when I am not even close to anyone there, and telling me is part of our plan. It has always been you, you and you. You wanted to go, you wanted to be part of yourself, and I am so called in your picture is when you casually include me in your plans. Have you ever asked whether I wanted to go? Would I be comfortable going and do I have any plans? After so many arguments and bullshit, you still act and pretend to take your mobile to say ''oh yeah, I will cancel the plans to make you happy'', but you did not! It's all an act.

Is it so wrong for me to ask you to accompany on my day off, to do something with my friends that you said we boring, just before I leave for Malaysia? Am I asking for too much? At the end of the day, it's not about the respect anymore, you go further by pointing out all my flaws and then tell me how sometimes you cancel your plans for me without telling me. So what??!?!?! You could have let me know and not make it sound like I am the bitch now. It's all about you. All about your cool friends and events. All about you being famous. All about YOURSELF!

Yeah we have different lifestyles. I am the boring one staying at home doing nothing. You happy now I am at home while you are at your cool friends' place. I am feeling upset and disappointed because I can't have any respect from you as a partner. You ask your partner questions, and think about their feelings before doing it your way. If you think I am such a burden, I am fucking not coming back to Aus, and should just live my life in Malaysia. How is that? fuck the moving out plans!

Long overdue

2007-10-13T23:10:00.000+10:00

I know it has been a long time since I blogged about my life, well overdue for 2 weeks, it's not that long, but I guess for people who comes by my blog, does complain. These 2 weeks had past me by in a blink of eye, so much has happened yet I can't seem to know where to start. Let's start with work, something boring but yet interesting, and then we shall move on to my future life expectations, and also a little bit of emo adding into it.

Firstly, work has been more stress free for the past 2 weeks, my assistant manager is back from her vacation, and with her guiding and assisting me, had help a lot in reducing my mental stress, recently, I have been sleeping like a baby, eating like a pig, and less pimples on my face everyday :) I realised the reasons pimple outbreaks happened so often, is because of the stress and unhappiness coming from my work. However, I have moved on from being unhappy over work, by expressing myself more to my manager, my love ones, and also sometimes through my blog. When you move from being a normal staff to a management level, everything changes, staff that you thought were your friends might no longer be the same, and often a distant need to be kept, it's sad, but it's the reality of life. If they are not mature to think like you, then it's not worth worrying and trying so hard to make a difference. Lesson to be learnt!

I have decided to move out from Docklands, we have managed to find a good 2 bedroom apartment on Collins Street, much closer to work, having to wake up 30 minutes later is awesome! There are many preparations to be done, I am going to have the next 3 months occupied with my new apartment, furniture shopping, work hours extended due to Xmas, and most importantly, my Malaysia trip :) I have less than a month to appreciate my stay in Docklands, I will surely miss the jacuzzi and swimming pool, which I hardly make use of it, and soon I am no longer entitled to it. I have so much to do yet so little time, I need to start packing my personal belongings, apartment inspection and furniture shopping before I leave for Malaysia. We are officially moving out on the 1st Dec to our new place, and I will only be back on the 2ND Dec, which means, my honey bunny will be doing all the hard work! Muaks :) Thanks for doing this! This what I am looking forward to, an apartment by ourselves, and not having to worry about sharing with weird housemate.

I fell sick for the last few days, caught a cold and was really exhausted, but I have been catching up with my sleep, had plenty of water, and now I am feeling much better. Unfortunately, with all these sickness, I am feeling emo and vulnerable, not wanting to go to work, and the shocking point is, I don't even feel like going out, I just want to stay under my blankets and sleep. Has anyone feel like this before?

Finally, I will update about Jacky Cheung concert on my next post, with some pictures and videos that might take some time to upload. I am missing the concert, he is awesome in singing, no sings as good as him :)

Till then, ciao!

Yen

Never a win win situation

2007-10-01T11:42:00.000+10:00

It's right that is never easy to manage a team, with different people from different backgrounds, and most importantly, choosing the right way to communicate with the team. Sometimes, I need to be who I am in the store, to manage and guide the team, and yes, there will be times I might have to tell workmates off. Everything I do, are with good intentions, but then, from their point of view, I am classified as the bad person.

I can't satisfy everyone, the way they want to be treated, because I do need to think of myself, my positions and the reason I am doing it. However, I am an emotional person, no matter how hard I try to take emotions away from my decision making, I can't. I know one thing I learn from this situation is that we can never be too close to one person at work, because it will be hard to make decisions and at the end of the day someone might get hurt.

Today, I realised I have never felt this in such a long time, the feeling of not wanting to go to work, the feeling of wanting to let go everything, and just collapse. I called in sick because I did not want to face anyone from work, did not want to pretend, and be jolly, and bury my head with paper works, I just wanted to rest and be myself today. Things will not be that hard, if I could lean on someone to help, to listen, or to let me know that things are going to be alright, and at this point in time, I need my managers to guide me, but then I am left alone.

I guess I have done my best at this point, and I can never be perfect to satisfy everyone, I can't cry at work, because this will prove I am not capable, the only time I can be myself is when I am at home, I let it all out.

Mamacas, Chapel Street

2007-09-28T16:13:00.000+10:00

We meet good people as we grow, and there are times we need to part, it's sad, but it's life. I guess I always complain about how bad work is, but I never once did express myself, how happy am I to meet nice and good friends at my work place. It's funny because I see them at work everyday, and when we are working, we are serious, but when we come out together as friends, we have fun, and everything seems different from that perspective.

Zoe, whom I have know for more than a year from work, she is leaving to join Jet Star and no longer with Gucci. We had a farewell dinner yesterday at Mamacas, on Chapel Street, serving great Greek cuisine, it's more of a fine dining but at the same time it's a casual environment. We had wine, saganaki, chicken skewers, meatballs and lamb and what matters most to me, was the company I had. Yesterday night, I felt the stress from work had all disappeared, we did not talk about work, but we had some good conversations about life and food! I will miss Zoe, and I wish her the best of luck in her future with Jet Star, these pictures of us will all remain memorable.

At work, there are always people bitching about each other, we never can have time to sit down and get to know one another, but yesterday was something different. We were ourselves, behaving as good friends, with Zoe leaving us, I realised I should cherish everyone of them because you never know who might leave one day. Here are some pictures I would like to share, there are my colleagues at work and my friends whom I met while working in Gucci. Mind the wine effects, cheeky and red faces :)

Farewell Hug for Zoe

Daphne, Zoe's sister!

A close up of us! Red cheeks!

Cheers!

Rosemary, photo taking fanatic girl :P

Elvira and Takako

From left: Me, Zoe, Ayako, Ting, and Rosemary

Yen and Tiara

Cheers

Yen

Exhausted and Wrecked

2007-09-18T23:24:00.000+10:00

I feel tired, almost everyday, it feels like I can never have enough rest, mentally exhausted and I am going to collapse anytime soon. I hate this job! I have so much to worry, so much burden on my shoulders, I can't rest, and I have no room to breathe. ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Can someone help me?

Forever love?

2007-09-15T22:42:00.000+10:00

I am really down today. I have come to realise that, these 3 years 7 months is nothing but rubbish. I feel that, there are no trust in us, most importantly, I can't feel it from you. Every weekend, there are something to argue about, from the smallest issue to some of the worst ones. However, whenever I sit down by myself and think, I realised that it has become a norm, and I am starting to feel a little insecure about us as a whole picture. The cries, the feeling of being so unhappy had happen so frequent, and at some stage, I don't know if it's my fault or yours, but I guess it doesn't matter because whenever we see each other, we have something against each other.

Today, I felt disappointment, most of all I don't feel the love, but all I see is you trying to prove yourself right, to the point where you have neglected my feelings, over a small issue. I feel the pressure of using your properties, I feel that these material, no life things are far much more important than me, as a human, alive and needing the special care and attention. I swear if I did have the monetary power, I will never need someone like you, to support and help me, but in return I felt that I have owed you in so many ways. You don't make me feel like you are willing to help me because you love me, but as an obligation, am I right? Today, I feel powerless, threatened, and most of all, I don't feel the love from you, or maybe I have learn to love less?

Every weekend, you have never failed to make me upset, never failed to make me realised that I am beginning to feel insecure, I am really exhausted from all these arguments. Today, I told myself I will be good, just enjoy the great afternoon, and yes, I was looking forward to it, but it doesn't matter, because at the end of the day, you have never failed to prove to me you do not have the intention to have a great day. If we want to continue this journey, there are so much effort to put in it, it's not about playing with your life, and having me to take the risk, whether this is worth the journey, I am tired. I am just human.

Tears are running down my face as I am typing all these, these are true words from my heart. I feel like giving up.

Yen

A week full of adventure

2007-09-08T23:37:00.000+10:00

It's been a week since I last updated, I think this blog has been abandoned for a while, life is pretty much the same, working full time and paying of bills. This week has been full of surprises, ups and downs, and most importantly, having to cope with the stress. I have to say I am lousy when it comes to being an optimistic person or I am not too good in coping with stress, especially at work. This week I have been trying to run a business and I can tell you, it's not easy being a manager, having to deal with different problems and at the same time having to make sure the staff is working their ass off. Mind the language. I have to say I have been coping really well, given the fact that I have so little time to learn everything from admin, to doing the roster, to stock transfer, handling customer complains, and the hardest part is having to use my most professional way to reason with the staff. Some call in sick and not coming to work on time, I am so over it!

On a lighter note, I am learning new things everyday, having new experience and yes, it does contribute to my resume and I hope this will bring me somewhere. I am learning to build new customer relationship, building the trust and delivering my service, maybe one fine day, I can have my own business :) Working in Gucci is not easy as it seems, there are lots to learn, everyday I come across different problems, and when I am stress, pimples start popping out everywhere on my face. The easiest job might be the hardest, do not judge the book by it's cover. At the end of the day, we work to support ourselves, to survive and learn to be a better person.

I am looking forward to my holidays in November, the time to relax and cherish every single minute with my love ones back home. The best time, when work is off your mind, is when you are having the best time of your life, drinking, eating, shopping and just having the time to waste and to catch up on sleep.

I am definitely waiting for this moment :)

2 months till I am back......

Yen

Happy Birthday Mum & Happy Merdeka Day!

2007-08-31T16:01:00.000+10:00

Happy birthday mum! Today, every year I think of you and wish I was there to celebrate your birthday, unfortunately, I have been unable to for the last few years, but I never fail to wish you. It's Chui San first year not able to celebrate this special event with you, but one thing for sure we think of your unconditional love for us through out the years, and today it's the day you were brought to the world by god, and without you, we won't be here. I hope today will be the best day, enjoy every minute and make the best out of it. We miss you!

Happy Merdeka Day to everyone back in Malaysia. 50 years if independence, proud of it :)

Yen

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEI SAN!

2007-08-30T00:50:00.000+10:00

Happy Birthday my dear friend! I guess I never fail to wish you every year and, thanks for being there for me when I needed you the most. I am looking forward to spend time with you when I get back in Nov :) I hope today, will be the day you feel special, pampered and treasured by your love ones! Also, have a blast at Jacky Cheung concert :)

Spring is here!

2007-08-20T23:48:00.000+10:00

SPRING IS FINALLY HERE!

The whole week is sunny! How good can this get? Love it.............

Colours, sandals, skirts, light jackets, dresses...

Flowers....

Sunny...

-------@

Yen wants......

2007-08-20T23:28:00.000+10:00

I felt like I have work 2 weeks in a row non stop, feeling exhausted, mentally and physically. My feet are sore, my legs are numb, my hair is in a mess, and I feel I don't have a life. Everyday, I am looking forward to 10Th Nov, the day I am flying back to Malaysia for my best friend's wedding, have a break from Gucci, eat, shop, have a get-together-session with my good friends, travelling with my family and most importantly, to rest my feet! I don't get a chance to apply for annual leave end of the year, where everyone gets to travel for Xmas and Chinese New Year, while I am stuck at work, and working my ass off during the festive season. This year is different, is something I had planned since last year, and Gucci being so kind to approve my leave, so let's say I am going to make the best out of it. I just got back from Malaysia end of Feb this year and now I am going back for the second time in Nov :)

I have booked my air ticket, cost me $1080, but then Lin Min is sponsoring half of it, lucky me! I have to start hunting for a bride's maid dress, get my hair trim, dye and perm, shop for a pair of evening sandal, and a clutch. I have so much to do yet so little time and money! I am waiting for my tax return and also I have managed to earn $200 on Sunday at work for fraud credit card. Woooooo! All these go to my credit card debts!

I need to:

Perm my hair, mid Sept, I need my hair to grow longer for a nice effect.
Pay my air ticket by end of this week with cash! Bloody credit card charges a 2% interest DONE
Pedicure, ugly toes and nails! DONE
Hunt for dresses
Celebrate Christine's Birthday in Sept
Tulip farm in Oct

Cheers

Yen :)

Incompetent customer service

2007-08-12T17:35:00.001+10:00

What has happen to the world of customer service, where have all the courtesy and politeness go, and why do we get shit attitudes and yet, why do we still buy their brands? The retail industry is so simple yet so difficult to work in, having the most minimum wage, having t0 work the weekends, public holidays and no annual leaves during Xmas period. Is this a job that does not need the brains, but just the looks, the blonds and the pretenders. Yes, I am talking about sale persons, working in stores, who thinks they know everything about customer service. I am a sales person too, but I am a person, who knows how to give the best customer service, coming from Gucci, they expect nothing but the best. Why is it so hard to get some decent service around, when myself can provide a good one, but yet some of them out there, are just acting like a BITCH.

I am sure you all can guess I had experienced a bad customer service experience that was full of accusations, embarrassments and so called for being rude, when the sales person was being rude, she forgot to look at herself in the mirror the way she talked. A brand so well known in Australia, but yet have such low quality sales person to provide good customer service, and yet they think all customers come in just for the designs, they are so wrong. I think I have already told 10 people about this incident, words of mouth is such a strong media to spread the news and gossips, and yes I am talking about Bettina Liano. She shops in Gucci with her sister, expecting the best service from us, but yet her staff in Little Collins St Store can't do a good job in providing superior customer service.

Basically, I was really upset, but I have learn to complain as a customer in the most appropriate way, through email and normal postage, and I want them to know that, to survive in the retail industry, you need to have good service towards your customers, although they might buy the cheapest thing in the store, they are still a customer that has the power to be right at all times.

Recently, I have been experiencing bad services, from my agents, and as well, the body corporate. I am dissapointed with the Aussies, they think they have the brains, but they are the laziest person in their country. I will not let the Aussies look down on the Asians. I will stand up for myself.

The good old times

2007-08-07T20:23:00.001+10:00

The cheeky Me, Albert and Ah Peng, back in 2004 CNY.

Elaine Choong, her favourite Japanese place, Hanabishi, she left for Malaysia in July, 2006

Yen and Novel, he left for Indonesia in January, 2006

Good friends remain

Albert, my good old buddy, left for Hong Kong Nov, 2006

Yen and Jacquie, we got closer since last year, she left for Hong Kong March, 2007

St Leonard's trip last Nov, the last trip we had together for Albert's farewell

Albert and April, may you both be strong

Summer 2006, sadly the group is no longer attached

From left: Jacquie, Yen, April and Michelle

Phillip and Albert, both in Hong Kong now, having the time of their life, miss you guys!

There are a few songs in my play list that reminds me of the past, actually, good old times, friends whom you
meet along the way, most of us parted, we all lead different lives now, and sometimes I wonder what are they doing now. Are they happy? Do they still remember the times we shared, the laughter we created, the bond we tied? It's easier to lose someone close as compared to creating that friendship, it takes time to create the bond, but it can take seconds to lose contact, or is it because no one is willing to put effort in.

I admit sometimes I do tend to sway away, and forgets that one person still exist, and when I realised that we once shared a bond, I feel upset that the older we get, our circle of friends are smaller. The songs and pictures refresh my memories, I have flash backs of good times, times when I had so many friends to hang out with, times when you look forward to see your friends when you go to Uni, times when you don't have so much burden and commitments.

I am not saying that my life now is not as good as before, I guess we all go through a different phase in life, we work 5 days a week total up to 38 hours, spending half of our life earning money to support ourselves. We have partners now to look after, hoping for a future, and we probably having the same routine everyday, it's not sad, but it's life. I am choosy with friends, I tend to pick ones that I can get along with, or have something in common, but somehow those close ones tend to grow apart, and it takes two to maintain the bond.

I miss them.

I miss each and everyone of you. I hope one day we all can catch up like old times, but deep down, I know
things will always be different.

GARDASIL

2007-08-07T15:51:00.000+10:00

Today my actual day off, technically I had 2 days off in a row, my manager rang me yesterday telling me I did not need to come in for work, since I am starting at 1.30 pm, and I can take the rest of the day off Weeeeeeeeee...It's a bonus for me :) It felt like winning the tatts!

Anyway, I went out for lunch with Evelyn and ended up buying a pair of Bettina Liano jeans, and realised that I have overspent on my credit card this month. I had two of my closest friends' birthday, shouted dinner and bought pressies, including shopping spree on myself, had make me in debt! I am not going to get pay till mid next Wednesday, and worst of all, my Optus land line bill just came and having to subsidise $100, some stupid new rules about paying the 3 months rental fee in advance..bah! I promise I will spend less next month, actually I need to budget, I feel so not myself. I have rent, bills, Medibank, life insurance, grocery expenses, life is getting tougher each day.

Today, I took my Gardasil Vaccine from the GP, a type of vaccine to prevent cervical cancer, and it's a three course to be completed within 6 months. The government now is providing it free from women aged from 18-26 till mid of next year. I am consider really lucky, but then it's part of paying my medicare levy every year through my tax, so might as well make use of the benefits. My left arm now feels a little numb, and having stomach cramps due to my menstrual. I think it's pretty much a rest day for me today :)

Alright, the computer is making some weird sound for now, I better restart the computer now. Till then, will update soon.

Yen

My next buy!

2007-07-31T22:50:00.000+10:00

My next month, I want this!

When work gets tough, I turn to....

2007-07-31T21:12:00.000+10:00

When work gets tough, I turn to....

My baby, he is always there for me ( most of the times), supporting me, listening to my whinge and be my punching bag :)

My home sweet home, my comfortable bed, my computer, my 500 play list songs.

My Chinese TVB series, that will keep me entertained, and not think of work at all!

My blog, where I can blog and complain how unhappy I am, and no one will tell you to shut up.

My GUCCI shoes! I try them on when I am unhappy to let myself know all my hard work and stress is worth it.

The reason why work has been a bitch for these 2 weeks, because of sale pack up and new staff training happening at the same time. A new staff joined Gucci last week, her name is Melissa, I have been training her from scratch and now I am sick, my cough is still going on for nearly a week. It's tiring to train new people, especially when it needs so much energy and enthusiasm within yourself, and having that one person to understand is not easy. I have always like training, and now given the chance, I feel like saying, I am not doing it at anymore. It's harder than it seems :(

Sometimes, in my work place, I feel Asians are always picked on, are pushed around, and the Aussies get away and are always given the leniency. Why is this so? Am I sensitive? This what I have been feeling for the past 2 weeks. When I first started in Gucci, I had to listen to what others say, never say NO or I DON'T KNOW, I was not given a choice to do what I wanted to, and I never whinge. However, Melissa gets good treatments, she is given a choice to do what she wants, is it because she is tiny and fragile, of she is from a wealthy family or because the Aussies are always the favourable? Today, I have tried to talk to her, and not to discriminate her with my thoughts, she is friendly but at the same time, she is smarter than all of us think, but one thing I know for sure, she is lazy. Enough of work, the stories can never end!

Recently, I have find the government pretty useless in Australia, I honestly don't like this country in terms of all its policies, I don't feel I am protected in all ways. The Workplace Relation Agreement tells us we can stand up for ourselves , and have the rights to tell the employer off if the rules are not followed, IE: lunch breaks, pay salary, hours of work, etc. I had the notice stuck on my locker, but at the same time what can I do tell Gucci we should be given at least 45 minutes break? It says we can't be sacked if the employer breaks the rules, and we can file for a complaint. Is it worth doing it and lose my job? It doesn't make sense, when the government encourages us to do it, but yet I don't see any protection and given in a way. My sister works in Subway at the moment, and she is being exploited, and worst of all she doesn't know her rights, she does not get paid for the extra hour they made her stay back, giving excuses she has to finish her tasks, BULLSHIT! She does not have a payslip for the hours she works, she is underpay for her age, and this is has really make me mad, and the only thing we can do is file a complain, but only when she quits! What does it matter then? If she was to stand up for herself, and file a complain, she will lose her job, but yet the government said, she can't be sack! At the end, who is going to protect her? I find this contradicting, and I hate these people taking advantage because we are overseas residents, or because we are Asians!

Last Saturday, Billy's cousins sister's friend was sexually harassed at a bus stop, while waiting for the bus. An Aussie man came out of no where, pretend he was checking the timetable, and then slap her buttock, and left running away. What an idiot and pervert he is! She was shocked and upset, and yet didn't know what to do, and she was afraid to report to the police, afraid her parents might find out. This is so ridiculous! Discrimination and sexual harassment, advertised everywhere, government supporting us in a way, but at the end of the day, I don't see how is this happening. I am so disappointed with this country. I thought it will be a safe one as compared to my home country, but I guess everywhere is the same, is the people that have problems.

Tomorrow my day off, I need a good rest. I would like to share my Gucci collection shoes, one of the things I turn to, when I feel stress with work, or unhappy with life, I cherished them like my babies :)

My new patent wedges, so sexy!

The side look of it

Summer sandals, bought it at a bargain!

My first pair of Gucci canvas shoes!

Love the bamboo heel :)

Guccissima white moccassins

Only $50!

I am off to dreamland for now, till then ciao!

Home sick :(

2007-07-27T15:43:00.000+10:00

I miss home at this moment, right now, right here, and I so wish I had my family beside me by my side. Where is that one person when you need them by your side, to care and love you? Why is a call so hard to do? I feel so sick now, feels worst when I am stuck in the room, having nothing to do, and worst fo all, some people giving lame excuses about not calling. You have 24 hours a day to at least make a 5 mins call to ask how am I, but you took 15 minutes to explain all reasons why you can't call and ask how am I? I find this pathetic and ironic. You have been slacking in this relationship, and I can see it but yet I don't understand why don't you see it for yourself. I know in a relationship, is not all about minding who does what, but at the end of the day, I am a girl with emotions, and yes I am sick and is emotional, so why is it so hard just for you to care more than usual.

Every weekend, I try to get my days off just to spend the extra time with you, but yet everytime you made me feel that you are too busy for me and having to put me second. We had this talk before, and yet you cant get the point I am going through.

WHY IS IT SO HARD TO CALL?

I am sick!

2007-07-25T23:37:00.000+10:00

I am coughing, I don't feel good. I don't want to go to work. I want to call in sick!

:(

Birthday weekend!

2007-07-20T21:23:00.000+10:00

Last weekend was the best weekend I ever had,we ate, drank ,sang and most importantly, hanging out with the right crowd :) On Friday night, we had Karaoke at the Glen, I honestly don't sing, but then with the right crowd and some alcohol, I was singing, or shouting, or let's say screaming, but I enjoyed myself. The night out was to celebrate Marcus's and Billy's 26 Th birthday, with a huge cake, but unfortunately we could not not finish it. One late night down, one more to go. The very next day, we had dinner at Sarti, an Italian Restaurant, the food is great, but the servings were too small, but then again, is fine dining. After dinner, we had dessert at Max Brenner in QV, and then headed back to Billy's place for some wine and a Monopoly game. I suck at this game, Chris and I went bankrupt at the first round, we had to mortgaged or sell our properties! We played till 3 am, and realised that we need to get to bed, another late night has drained all of us mentally. The signs of getting old :) On a Sunday, I decided to just sleep in, relaxed and watched some movies, and be prepared to get back to work on a Monday, I had the worst time because I so wanted to continue my weekends.

I miss the weekend, now I am back with no weekends except for some Saturdays, which I really treasure so much, but yet having one person to understand is so hard. Why don't they ever try to understand or think of our feelings and situations before doing something. Maybe if you could ask or let me know in advance, things wont turned so ugly, and I will not be upset. It's all about respect and communicating. You think for your partner first before thinking for yourself. This is how life goes when you are committed to a person. I am just a human with emotions, and not one of your events of lifeless things, when somehow you can be so committed to the things.

Anyway here are some pictures of my last weekend :)

My baby and I 17/07/07

Drink with style

My present to him :)

Sang K, The Glen, everyone is jolly from the alcohol

The Huge Dark and White Chocolate..Yummy

Bobby, Myself, and Christine, we were so drunk!

Dinner at Sarti

This picture is so much more presentable as compared to the drunk pics, the before and after effect :P

Love
Yen

Rain rain go away.....

2007-07-07T17:42:00.000+10:00

Melbourne has been cold and wet for the past 2 weeks, it's a good thing, we are short of water and now the water storage has increase. I guess I am not a winter person, I dislike the cold weather, wet surroundings, and most of all it makes you feel moody. Work this week is a ''bitch'', I am really stress, too many things to do yet so little time. I forgot important dates, I don't recall receiving sms, and one morning, I wore my sister jeans instead, wondering why did I put on so much weight! Anyways, I am sorry if I have not been replying every one's call and sms, I was over exhausted and mentally tired.

I have requested to take next Friday, Saturday and Sun day off, it's a long weekend for me, claimed my time in lieu, I need some good rest, a break from Gucci. It feels so good to have the weekends off, I have decided to request for almost every weekend off, or at least a Saturday off. It's good for myself, besides I feel can do more with my friends, not having to worry to work the very next day.

Today, I had a facial, I had to clear all my pimples on my face, hidden ones, and now it's so red and ugly. I will need to wait at least for a week, before it's all clear and clean, the reason why I am staying home tonight. I feel good now, my face feels extremely clean and fresh, no make up, just red spots and scars at the moment. I reckon ever since I took up my new roles as a supervisor, I have lack of sleep and water, mentally and physically tired, and stress, as a result, I am having bad pimples break out. Also, having to put make up everyday, the fact I am working on the front line, being presentable and professional, has contributed to the break out. I will remain positive and hoping it will be much better later. Or maybe I am going through hormonal changes, it's common for females at this age, it proves I am still young :P

I hope next week will be a better week for me, staying positive and happy, sometimes it's hard, but I guess at the end of the day, this is the only way to keep you going. At this age, everything you do seems like a burden, can't be as care free as before, everyday there are different problems, and yet, we still have to get through it.

Where is my timing and LUCK?

2007-06-26T17:30:00.000+10:00

I am currently really stress with the job hunts! I have been working 5 days in a row over the weekend, and finally, when I have a day off from all the stress, I am loaded with all these interviews and job hunting dilemma. This morning, I did not get to sleep in, having to wake up as early as 8.30 am, to attend an interview in St Kilda Road, and another one on Elizabeth St. Nothing major or great about it because these interviews are conducted with the recruitment agents, and more of catching up on where I want to head to. Seriously, I sometimes don't have a clue what I can do or want to do! Does anyone out there feel the same? Or am I abnormal?

I have another interview with a company in Collingwood this Thursday and I have to work. This what I call work dilemma, because I hate to lie and I will never get to sleep or rest nicely when I know am about to lie. There are 3 options, to not go to work on Thursday, call in sick, which is the most common thing to do, or create an emergency story and take Thursday off, or do a swap with one of my colleagues this week and next week. I am trying to stay away from the sickie because I know how it feels to call in sick early in the morning pretending and then leaving the team with one less people to work, knowing this week will be really busy. I think. I will go with the second option, tomorrow first thing at work, I will just say my cousin is in the hospital (touchwood) "Chinese believe of not happening", I need to take a day off. Or worst come to worst I will swap with my workmate. I worry so much even before it happens, tonight I am not going to be able to sleep.

It sucks knowing how much time and effort spent in looking for the right job, and in the end, not having it will really make me devastated! Job hunting is all about the right timing and luck and for all these years, where the hell are my right timing and luck? Can anyone tell me? All these time spending time being interviewed by agents, and they are working so slow, and taking it easy, but they are frank letting me know it's not impossible but it's hard to find a job within the head office environment given the fact I don't have admin or head office experience. It takes time, god knows how long!

Sometimes, I feel I regret not taking the right step when I graduated from Marketing back in Monash. What is the point having such a good university name, and paying so much for the degree, when in the end I am stuck at doing what I am doing now, retail. At the end of the day, is all about the experience, it can bring you to where you want to be, but not a degree. What is the point of studying in the first place? Maybe I am just getting a little impatient with all these, I want to be sure the next job I looked for, will be the one for me, will make me stay longer than my past working experience. Don't get me wrong, I do like my job, but just not the environment and the pay and of course the no weekends issue. I am looking for the same passion I have for fashion, but looking at a better working environment, or is there such thing as a healthy working environment?

Right now at this moment, I know how important is it to always make the right decision in your career, when you start young at a right place, you will not have problem moving on, but when you start at a different phase, and wanting to take a step back to where you want to, it's not impossible but it's very hard. I am feeling it right now.

Time for Reflection

2007-06-22T21:28:00.000+10:00

It's been a while since I last updated, and I have to admit, I had many things happening but at the same time, I am just too lazy to blog about it, sometimes you just want to keep everything to yourself and let it pass like it never happened. It's nearly a month since I last blogged and I know some of you out there are getting tired and bored with my blog, but I will try to blog as much as possible, probably on how my life is getting on at the moment.

Let's start of with work, I guess I can never say anything nice about work, so typical, but this week, work is not as hectic, and I am feeling fine. For the last 3 weeks, I have been feeling stress with work, I don't know what I am stressed about, but there was a point in time, I felt like leaving Gucci right away, without looking for another job, ironic but it's true. I guess I do get annoyed when I have to work weekends, but the worst experience is not able to have a good night sleep, I have been having sleepless nights, and it's bad for my skin and body. I think it's the bed, I need to change the mattress, or maybe I am just thinking too much before I fall asleep. Life goes on, I am hunting for a new job, not an intensive one, but step by step I guess. If I want a job that suits me and let me learn, an office base role, no weekends and out of retail, I need more time and patient and believe I can. Or I should be less choosy, picky or petty, but at the same time, I need to choose the best and not get stuck at a job I hate. Whatever, life goes on.....

Whenever I feel sad, or breaking down, or leaving, life goes on. I find myself too emotional, in anything I face or handle in life, I worry too much, to a point I feel I worry and not do anything to help myself. Recently, I have been thinking about home, I miss home so much. There are times, I think what it would be like to be in Malaysia, will I be contented, sad or just plain happy? I miss my friends, my home, my family and I guess after 4.5 years here, I still can't call Melbourne my home. I wonder if I will ever go back to Malaysia and stay there for the rest of my life? The grass always look greener on the other side, that is what my friends think. Everyone back in Malaysia can't wait to come to Aus to work and start their life, but as for me I am curious to go back and give it a try.

Anyway, during my stay here in Melbourne, I have met a few wonderful friends, whom I feel comfortable sharing my feelings and problems with. It's hard to find friends that click during this age, when everyone has their own lives, partners and work. I am blessed to have my good friends standby me through out my sad times, and who are willing to listen.

I am 25 this year, going on 26, life is short, why not treasure everyone you have, every second, making the best out of it. This will be the motto of my life.

Weekend Retreat

2007-05-27T14:38:00.000+10:00

My weekend has been tiring, not from work but from making use of the weekend off I have, and it feels so good not working on a SUNDAY! On Friday night, after work, a long 6 days in a row, I met up with my friends at Wagamama for dinner in QV. I would not say the food is awesome, but acceptable, just that my dish came out 30 minutes late and I knew I was very hungry, and everyone was eating while I just stared at their food. We met up with Sophia, a new friend in the group, hope to see you more :) After dinner, we went to the Atrium at Sofitel for some cocktails, a lounge with non smoking people, it's cosy and comfortable, I probably will go back for more!

The night ended early, about 11.30 pm, some of us have to work the very next Sat morning, and the fact that we are all ageing, we were very tired and off we went home to sleep on a Friday night. On Sat arvo, we had yum cha at the new Burwood Shark Finn restaurant, food was average but I liked the newly renovated place, right after that, we went to Chadstone to shop, but as usual I am the shopaholic, managed to get a winter hat and jacket in less than an hour :P I could not afford to wait for the Wednesday night VIP sale, given the fact I am a size 6, and these small sizes run out quickly.

At about 4.30 pm, I went to Boxhill to look at some townhouses/units, I had the worst experience, the Asian agent farted while walking up the stairs, and my friends and I had the hardest time to breathe. He pretend nothing happened and started asking questions, but I swear I could not answer anything, and had to leave as soon as possible for his fart was going to suffocate me. I am serious! It stinks a 100x's. You all can laugh, a good laughing medicine for you :)

We went back to Billy's home to watch ''The Ghost'', a Korean horror movie, had TGIF for dinner, because we had 2 free vouchers to use, and only paid 2 mains for 4 people, worth the 30 minutes wait for our table. Later, we went to Stokers at Kew to have pancakes dessert and used a voucher and only paid $7 each! This is one of the most fulfilling weekend I ever experienced, most of all, creating the closer bond together.

Today, I am off to watch Pirates of the Caribbeans 3 and we are using the Village vouchers! All these vouchers expire next Friday, and I only realised it now, so we might as well make use of it before it expires.

Till then, Happy Weekend everyone!

Determination to be a star

2007-05-24T00:30:00.000+10:00

Everyday I see stars on TV, news, and magazines, but then when you have friends that pursue to be a singer or to start a band themselves, you give your full support. At the moment, I have a primary school friend who sings really well, and he is pursuing this career and I have listen to his first single, and I can say, he will make it big! I am always curious to know how they feel, how much they need to go through to become who they are, basically, it's different when all these stories are told from a friend you know. All the best Eric! Although one day you will be famous, I guess we can still talk like friends, and I will not treat you differently, when you are one, being a friend to a friend is different from being a friend to a star.

Novel, who is trying to set up a band in Indonesia is having the same paths, and he is very talented in his guitar skills, and I have heard him play and sing, he is very talented. I admire talented people who have the determinations to work towards their goals, and would take the risk to achieve it. I have listened to his demo, although he might not be a singer, but he is contributing his talent to the group. Good luck to you too!

People out there, if you do one day listen to their names in, they are the talented ones out there!

Winter is finally here

2007-05-23T00:05:00.000+10:00

Every morning, I find waking up for work rather difficult, the fact it's so cold, and you just want to snuggle under the quilt and sleep in. Winter is finally here. I am not excited about it, I am more of a summer girl, I don't mind the heat but not the cold, and for the past few days it has been severely cold, with chilling wind, I am running out of winter clothing to wear. Mission number 1, shop for winter tops and hats. I will be having my weekend off, for the very first time since I got back from my holidays, and I am using it to the fullest, fortunately a sunny day on Sat :) I would like to try one of those winter hats, saw one from Kookai, looks stylish and something different!

I am addicted to cosmetic items, such as lip gloss, eye shadow and nail polishes. My mission number 2, is to check out the latest Gorgio Armani Black palette, limited edition. I know, I am supposed to save for a house and a car, but no harm in rewarding myself after a long week at work, working six days in a row again! I had a great weekend, on Saturday, I bumped around, slept in, and stayed home watching some movies and on Sunday night, Billy and I caught up with his old uni mate and his wife. They are married, and so mature, I feel like a kid around them :P Billy and I are still in the honeymoon period, but then again, different people have different perceptions in settling down.

Here are some pictures at Red Emperor, my second time in a week, I have to say the food is great!

Yen, Billy, Livia and Kenneth

Just want to be in bed

2007-05-18T21:50:00.000+10:00

One of those nights, after work, you just want to snuggle under the blanket, rest your feet and watch some movies, and then fall to sleep like a baby. I think these are the signs of getting old, the quarter life crisis is hitting you really hard, and when life is work and work is life. However, today I am in a good mood, I don't know why but I guess it's good in a way, after a week of going through depression and had on and off mood swings.

Yesterday night, I went to the movies and watched 28 weeks later, and it's a disgusting movie, but yet I have to say the effects were good, and I was so into the movie, that I cried because it was too violent. It feels like it scared the shit out of me, and this is worst than watching a ghost movie, which does not make me cry at all. I think I have phobia towards violent movies, I did not manage to close my eyes in time to see the man used his fingers to dig his wife's eyes out, and yes, I am already puking, and now it's running in my head, wtf!

Anyway, back to something happy, tomorrow my day off, finally! I am going for a haircut and dye, a whole new fresh look, my hair colour is fading and I look like some ''ah lian''. I might just get a trim, but leaving my fringe long, because of work, how stupid, that I can't try new hairstyles. If my fringe are half long/short, I have to pin it up or use a hair spray, which I do not have that amount of time to style it, so I will go for the normal classic look. I wanted to wave perm my hair but it's not long enough to do so, and yet do not have the patience to keep that long :p

At the moment, I am listening to Babyface-Everytime I close my Eyes, in my sleep wear, hair half dry, and I feel so comfortable, this is call home sweet home :)

People come and go

2007-05-15T22:48:00.000+10:00

Firstly, I would like to say thank you my friends for all your msgs of supports and word of wisdom, and most of all encouraging me and telling me I am not useless! I really appreciate each and one of you, and I am grateful to have you all as my friends. I am touched, and I have to tell you all these, I cried a little knowing that there are so many people out there who cared for me. It's one of those days I feel shit, but when life goes on, I am just back to my normal mode. It's weird, but it's true, when we all grow older, we tend to be very sensitive and more attentive towards life, we feel every pain, happiness and sadness as we go through. I forgot how it feels to be a little kid, where worries were far away, money were not a problem, or life never seem that difficult.

Another day has passed, and I am looking forward to my days off! Tonight the Red Emperor dinner was superb, when you expect nothing, it turned out perfectly good. We had banana fritters and fried ice creams for free, and I am happy everyone are satisfied with the service and food. You don't know how much time and effort put into planning this dinner and after a month, we finally had it. When all staffs get together on a dinner table, we whinge about work, managers, pay, stupid lunch break hours, basically about anything from manager to Gucci. Thank god, our manager and assistant manager weren't there :P We need to stand up for each other as a team in anything we do. And I am going to do more for my team as a supervisor! For starters, the lunch break hours need to be extended! Every now and then new people come in, old ones leave, and Loc is leaving tomorrow, his last day in Gucci. I just recently got to know him, a very nice and caring guy, unfortunately he is leaving, but he has found something better, and I wish him all the best :)

I accidentally posted the pictures before the post, I am lazy to edit it. Yen is off to bed now!

Moving on....

2007-05-14T23:20:00.000+10:00

Today, things has been picking up, I had a good rest yesterday, but the whole day I was feeling down and moody. I was in bed the whole day, went out for grocery shopping at 4 pm, at the same time did window shopping to relax. I did not feel like cooking, had take away Hungry Jacks, just felt like burger and fries, maybe the reason I put on some weight. There is no reason to eat so much since my PMS has finish, I guess just the mood swings affecting my diet.

Finally, Billy and I shared to buy a new camera for personal use, after all the bad experiences with investing in useless cameras, we decided to research and as a result, we have IXY 1000 canon, with 10 mega pixels! It's so good, and I am very impress with it, and now I will not ever complain about how the pictures look, and now my pure focus will be on this camera. I will use it to the fullest, snapping pictures of everyone, everything and anything!

Tomorrow night, after work, there will be a Gucci staff gathering dinner at Red Emperor organized by me, but I don't feel like going. It sounds fun initially, and now after delaying the dinner for nearly a month, I am not so into it. The fact having to socialize with your colleagues after work, and seeing then nearly everyday just does not seem right. The fact that some colleagues are asking for so much, yet having to pay such a small amount for the dinner really annoys me! Lesson No 1, do not organize a staff event, the fact for having pressure and the chances of getting bad comments, will not make your day.

Today, I had a chance to meet the owner and founder of Kookai in Australia! I am very passionate about this brand, I love the styles and designs and most of all, I have been wearing this brand since uni! She is a lovely lady, very feminine and hence the design of her clothing, she also understands the right size for petite customers. I am one of them of course :) Anyway, my colleague who served her has introduce me, and she advised me to leave Gucci and work in an office environment, for she thinks I am worth more than what I am getting now. I honestly agree of course, the fact although I have been promoted, but my gross pay is not a lot, compare to my last pay I had. I thought I do need to stay for another year to gain sufficient experience, but then again, I don't see myself going anyway with this retail job.

I am now considering to give the Kookai owner a call, but I don't have the guts to do so, for I don't think it's right for me to get her contact number from the Gucci database. If I do not try, I will not stand a chance at all, but if I try, the worst is I might get an answer NO, but the best case would be, I can drop my resume in the Head Office and might stand a chance. This is so torturing, but sometimes I do believe in everything happens for a reason, maybe now is not the right time to have a new job, that is why chances do not come yet, but at the same time, everyone has to work towards what they want, and fight for chances?

Although a promotion is a first step, but at the same time am I rushing things here? Or I am fed up with retail and want to try something new? Or am I now trying hard enough to get what I want? Questions....with no answers

I feel useless

2007-05-13T01:07:00.000+10:00

I am sick, not feeling well, called in sick but it's not the actually sick I am feeling but it's the thought of feeling useless is making me really sick. I cried really badly, and I thought the only time I would cry is for love, but today I cried because I feel useless. The fact that you work so hard, but still get shits and earning as little as potatoes, made you feel that you are not a very great person. The fact that I have so many things I want to achieve, and yet when you need help the most from your love ones, they disappoint you in every way.

I might seem like a girl who has everything, a perfect family, loving parents, a caring boyfriend, a good job, and just because I live by the Harbour, or the fact I am in Melbourne, but these are all what lay in everyone eyes, but not that perfect in reality. Everyone has their own story behind every perfect scene, and I am one of those who seems like everything is going well, but at the end, I am pretty much useless. I always get stepped on, get told off, get shits, and worst of all, I can't stand up for myself. I always say I will do what I should, but I never can, because I am afraid and till today I am stuck at where I am.

The reason I buy things for myself, the very main reason is to make myself happy. Sometimes we work so hard, everyday we have troubles, and the only time I see it's worth it it's when I buy things to feel better. I feel I have no goals to achieve in life, besides waiting for my every month pay, paying rent and bills. I wish I was born rich, I wish I had the money in the world, to F***ing buy what I want, when I don't need to F***ing depend on anyone, I wish I did not have to look at people's faces or listen to their talks before you can ask for their help. I wish I can have the power to do what I want!

I hate this world, I hate reality, I hate my life.

Brain dead

2007-05-11T01:54:00.000+10:00

Currently, I am brain dead. I meant I am mentally and physically tired, working 16 hrs in 2 days, sounds crazy but is true. I spent the last hour editing my blog, playing with the fonts, colours and layout. I am not a computer genius, or website developer, but this blogspot is easy to understand. Before this, I spend another 2 hours on strawberrynet, purchased some facial products from Shiseido, did a good research on what to buy, you need to read up on facts before trying something. I strongly recommend this website for low prices skin care, make up products and parfumes. Delivery is free and most of all you get discounts. The online shopping is so convenient, saves time and most of all, it save your money.

I should be getting rest, probably sleep in tomorrow to catch up on my sleep, but when you know you are not working the next day, this is when you want to sleep really late, to catch up on things you did not get a chance to during work. I have been eating a lot recently, maybe its because of my PMS, I can feel its here anytime, I have been craving for carbo, chocolates and chips. I had a very bad ulcer for a week, to the extend it hurts while talking, or when you are sleeping, but it's healing now. Over all, this week, I am stress out and it's one of those weeks, you would tell yourself you want to QUIT!

Mother's Day is this 13th May, a Sunday, and I have to work, sent mum a mother's day card and will call her to let her know I miss her a lot. She has work really hard to raise me and a very loving mum. Although I might not click with her at times, but at the end of the day, she is someone that understands me the most. Mum, I love you :)

HAPPY MOTHER"S DAY to all mum out there!

My new space

2007-05-09T21:35:00.000+10:00

Hie everyone! This is my new blog, and it's called my little space, I know it sounds like a small kid
place to be! I guess as you grow older, you wish you were younger. I think blogspot, will be a good place for everyone to update about my life, my xanga is working, but from now on I will be blogging from here.

Let's start right now :) I had to work from 9.30 am till 8.30 pm today at work, Gucci had some special event, and we hosted an event to expose bankers or stoke brokers to this brand, and they have the money, but they are tight ass! No one actually bought anything at all, $0 sales from them and I was standing around, my shoes were killing me, bunions are seriously out of control and worst of all, I was hungry! Enough of complaining, a job is a job, and as long it gives me money, I have to shut up :( On the brighter side, this will add some credits to my resume, experience in events hosting.

For the past 2 weeks, life has been pretty hectic, but then again,we all try to make the best on our days off. Last Friday and Saturday, I had a fantastic time, and I made the best out of it, from yum cha, to shopping, to dinners, movies, coffee and most of all having great companies around you.
I can't wait till pay day, probably like a week away, my bank balance is very low, times like this, I so want to shop and pamper myself. I need an instant facial, manicure, pedicure and massage! Anyone would like to sponsor me? I guess these would be good, if someone would give it to you, rather than paying it by ourselves. I hope someone get the hint :)

I have a mission now everyone! I want a mini cooper, probably a second hand one, since I will not be able to afford a brand new one, having dad to sponsor some down payment, work out my financial abilities, and make my dreams come true. I like that small sporty car, and I have decided for a black or silver, although a red one will look cool, like the Italian Job, my fav movie! I think red is common, but anyway, this gives me the motivation to save, and hopefully by early next year I can have one. I will bring to road trips, shopping stops, movie, cruise by the beach, and maybe a race on some highway :P As for now is still a dream, but one day, soon it will be a reality. I am counting to that.

When marriage, kids and housewife topics are still ages away, well not very actually, since I am 25 this year going on to 26, I have to say I don't have much time left for me to have something without having commitments now. You get to go through life once, unless if some of you do believe in re carnation, I do, but then it does not mean you get to be a human in your next life, might as well, make the best of it now. One step at a time, I can start with a car, and then moving on to a new house, but at the end of the day, these depends on how much you earn, and in life MONEY is so important to achieve dreams. I don't earn a lot, but then I guess by next year I can ask for something more, I should say look for a new job if time and luck permits.

I think I have enough of ramblings today, going to take a shower and then wind down a little, and off to bed. When you work, you have no life, but work brings money, and I am happy with money :)

Nites everyone!

Yen